Depressed that I can’t find love

May 12, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a 30-year-old Christian who is struggling to find love. I have reached the point where I don't know what it is anymore. When I was a toddler, I dreamt about owning a house, a car, and a family to share it with by the time I reach 30. I am now 30 and half of that dream is yet to come through. I met a Christian man three years ago for whom I had strong feelings. However, he placed me in the friend zone. I had to cut all ties with him recently because he began to play with my feelings. The worst part about the situation is that I miss him. I had reached a point where I had given up on relatives, and held thoughts that God's purpose for me was to remain single and focus on Him. But on the flip side, I just feel lonely. Looking around and seeing my friends creating families, I am just 'there'. A few months ago, I met a guy who isn't a Christian. He is not financially stable; however, he treats me with respect. He is loyal so far; he is also kind, God-fearing and caring. Recently, he asked me if what we have going is love or just infatuation. How would I know that the opposite sex is in love with me or whether it is infatuation? How would I know that this person is the one for me?


Dear C.S.,

Let me begin by telling you that the way you are speaking you believe that you are over the hill, that you are not capable of loving anybody, and that no man will see you and love you.

You are talking as if you are an old woman who is incapable of experiencing love. But, my dear, you are only 30. You have a future before you and most children dream about what they would love to accomplish when they get to a certain age and marriage is one of them. Naturally, having a good job, car and a nice house are part of every ambitious woman's dream. You did not get these things and you are now 30. It doesn't mean that you should stop dreaming or you should stop looking around for a good man. At your age, you should be able to choose a man who is mature and responsible. When I read your letter, I said to myself, this young woman means well but she is making a big mistake. I say that because of this new man. You said that he is not financially stable, but he respects you. I am going to disappoint you by telling you that you need to find a man who is financially stable and not just someone who will respect you. You will need the respect, but you will need someone who will be in the position to help you take care of your bills and take care of the home, so please don't ever say again that money is not important.

It takes money to run a home, so when a couple cannot find enough money to pay bills and to save and invest, they will struggle badly. Every intelligent girl needs a man who can lay out his plans before her, a man who will not hide anything from her. So I am not telling you to go after men because of money. I am saying, do not consider any man who is not in a good job and financially stable. Infatuation does not have any foundation. The moments are fleeting. Infatuation can get a man and a woman in bed, but it is not genuine love. Infatuation will cause a man and a woman to do things that they deeply regret. So be careful with what you do with your life. I think I have said enough to make you think. I will be praying for you.


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