Boyfriend doesn’t like my babyfather sleeping over

June 01, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I have two sons but my babyfather and I are not together. I have been with my current boyfriend for six months.

My babyfather knows that I have a boyfriend. Although my babyfather and I are not intimate any more, I allow him to visit the children and he even stays over at our house. When he visits, the children don't want him to leave, so I allow him to sleep over.

My babyfather knows my boyfriend's name and knows where he works, but my boyfriend is against him staying at the house. My children's father is unemployed. He lost his job but, to put it another way, his business went right down due to COVID-19. He is only now trying to get back on his feet and I have to remember, Pastor, that he is not a bad man and he has tried to support his children. He has been a gentleman when he comes around, he neither comes into my room nor has he tried to force himself on me. He gave up his apartment and has moved back in with his mother. She and I get along very well. I know he still loves me but I would not go back to him. I am trying to show my partner that although he stays here sometimes, there is nothing between us. Would you suggest that I tell him not to stay over any more when he comes to see his children, just to please my boyfriend?

O.D.

Dear O.D.,

I don't think your boyfriend is wrong to tell you that your children's father should not be sleeping at your house, although the both of you are not having an intimate relationship. If this man is coming to the house to visit his children and your boyfriend is aware of that and he is cool about it, then fine. But he does not accept the sleeping over part of it. You should respect his feelings and do not allow the children's father to sleep over. I recognise that some people might not accept what I have said. You may say that your boyfriend should trust you, but it is human for him to feel that your children's father should visit his children and go home after. If you love your boyfriend you should respect his decision.

Pastor

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