My boyfriend is a ‘mama’s boy’

June 11, 2021

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I am 27 years old. I have been in a relationship with a man for the past five years. He is 29 years old, but he is someone who cannot discuss a matter with me and it remains with us; his mother has to know about it. He tells her everything.

He has a child with a woman and she left him because she accused him of being a 'mama's boy' and I am about to do the same. We are renting from his mother. We have our own entrance but sometimes she would just come to our section of the house, uninvited, and when I tell my boyfriend that I don't like that, he says it is her house. I told him that we are not living here for free.

I don't have children and he is begging me to have a child for him, but I can't have a child for this man while I am at his mother's house. I told him we should leave and rent somewhere else, but he says he doesn't want to leave because the rent he is paying, he would not get another place as big as this for that amount of money. I am working and we are paying his mother $35,000 for the small side of the house, which is two bedrooms, a kitchen and a bathroom. With both of us are working, we can pay $40-50,000 for another place.

We have a car and we have almost finished paying for it. I know time is ticking on me so I would love to have a child, but I would have to move from here. I met another man and he is encouraging me to come and live with him. He is divorced and he has five children, so I am reluctant in going to live with him. If I leave this man and go to live with this other man, I will save money. I am really confused. I don't know what to do.


Dear S,

Be careful you don't jump out of 'frying pan and jump inna fire'. This man, who is divorced, has five children. You have not said how many of these children are living with him, but you believe that you will save more money by going to live with this man. I observed that you have not said whether you love the man you are living with or this man who is encouraging you to come and live with him.

I am wondering which of these men you love, or whether you love any of them at all. I am assuming that it is very frustrating living with a man who takes advice from his mother. He is not prepared to leave his mother's house because he believes that by doing so, he is assisting her financially and the amount he is paying for rent is reasonable. You have to bear in mind that he would have to tell her why he is leaving and he is likely to tell her that you are not happy at the house. She would hold that against you, but I understand that you ought to leave. You are not happy living with this man at his mother's house. On the other hand, I must warn you to be careful not to leave and go into another man's house unless you are absolutely sure that you are doing the right thing.

I confess that this is not a very easy decision that you have to make, but it's a decision you have to make on your own.


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