My son and boyfriend are giving me hell

June 17, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 and I have two children with my ex-husband. I divorced him because he was a very lazy man who didn't like to work. My son will be 21 this month and he is working.

But Pastor, he is selfish. When he gets paid every two weeks, he just purchases fast food and makes many trips to the neighbourhood shop. I am tired of telling him to leave there because he hardly contributes to anything, but wants to partake in most of the things that we provide in the house. If we eat and have leftovers, he eats them. He loves his belly too much and it irritates my spirit a lot. I pray that God will change him on his 21st birthday. I have been on my own since I was 18 and I told him he has been too privileged. I also told him that if he doesn't change he has to go somewhere else.

My daughter is 16 and she is doing extremely well in school. She is a straight-A student and I am very proud of her. She is also well behaved and I thank God for the way she is every day. Pastor, their father is not giving her anything and if it is for my son to give her $1,000 to buy her necessary monthly things, she would die. I told him that I am very disappointed in him and that my spirit is very irritated with his behaviour. I am also a backslider who is living with a man whom I love very much and who is 64. He is hard-working and someone I have considered marrying, but right now I am having second thoughts.

It is like I am at a crossroads. The problem I am having with him is that he curses too much. I yearn to be back under the umbrella of God and attend church. It doesn't take much for this man to curse on top of his voice because he loves to be heard. I don't use expletives and when I hear them it is like my spirit gets cross. He knows I don't like them but he continues to curse and then he apologises.

This man cannot reason and he doesn't accept blame when he is wrong. He only sees other people's faults. I told him that I am very ashamed of him and that I am not going anywhere with him. We have been together for the past four years. This man doesn't even have a birth certificate. We have been trying to get one for him but to no avail. I just feel like I am wasting my life sometimes with this man. I feel so trapped. I want to rededicate my life to God before it is too late. I told God that if it is time and this man is a stumbling block in my life, he should remove me out of this situation. I am just tired of living my life in sin. My conscience is killing me. I have never cheated on him because I don't believe in sleeping with Tom, Dick and Harry, as the saying goes. I am also a teacher. I have been at a school for the last 10 years. I even want to go overseas on the farm work programme to try and better myself and help my daughter. Please pray for me. I await your kind response.


Dear S.B.,

Your son is following in the footsteps of his father. He should do better because he is quite aware that his father did not support him, nor does he support his sister. He is a very wicked young man. He should be proud of his sister and assist her. If he does not change, I am afraid he will not progress in life. You have had such a difficult time with your child's father but you did not learn from the mistake. You have got involved with another man who does not respect you. He has a filthy mouth but then you have allowed him to control you. The man is not even grateful to you. I cannot encourage you to continue with him. Put your plans in place and leave this man.


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