Best friend’s boyfriend is my secret lover

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for the second time. When I just graduated from high school, I wrote to you and you gave me good advice. I told you that the night of my 16th birthday, I had sex with my boyfriend because I had promised him for nearly one year that we could have sex to celebrate my birthday. That relationship ended. I went to university and now I am in a good job.

I am also a Christian but I have a secret lover and he is also in love with my best friend. We didn’t plan for it to be so but he wanted us to be lovers and I told him that because he wasn’t a Christian I could not. So he got involved with my best friend who is not a Christian. When he told me, I cursed him and told him that he should have gone to somebody else and he said he didn’t plan it. We did not stop talking. We kept on calling each other until one day he came to see me and I told him that I am still in love with him but still mad with him. He hugged me and kissed me and I was not able to resist him. I was not even thinking straight because we had unprotected sex but he did not get me pregnant. I felt guilty because I had sex with my best friend’s boyfriend, but he told me I shouldn’t feel guilty because I was first. We have tried to keep away from each other but any time I don’t hear from him, I call him. So he has become my secret lover. He told me he would love to get married but I told him he couldn’t marry my best friend because that would kill me. Sometimes I cannot sleep because I am thinking of him. Why is life so unfair? Sometimes when I see my best friend she tells me all the good things he does for her and I tell her she is very lucky to have a man like that. I am not even looking for a man because deep within this man is my man. He told me that something will have to happen but he doesn’t know what. I would like you to give me your advice. I am 27 years old. I need help but don’t tell me to leave this man.

B.R.

Dear B.R.,

It seems to me that you do not intend to end the relationship with this young man so that is why you are bold enough to tell me not to tell you to leave him. You are out of order seeking help but also telling me what I should not tell you. What I can tell you is that you are going to lose. Your best friend will get this man. He is likely to marry her and leave you in the cold. He sees you as someone he can use. You have made that clear to him because even when he stays away from you, you call him and tell him you need him. Although you had an education, you are not smart. You say this man is your secret lover but this secret will not last forever. Take it from me, this man is not going to marry you. His girlfriend is more precious to him than you are.

Pastor