I will not cheat on my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and a half years old and I am in love with a man. When I say I am in love with him, I mean genuine love. Up to two years ago I hated men because my cousin tried to have sex with me when I was spending time by my aunt's. I told my aunt about it but my cousin denied it and called me a liar. He told her that I offered to have sex with him and he had to rebuke me. My aunt said that is not the way she grew him. He always attended church and he sang in the youth group. The way she spoke to me, I was really hurt, but she moved my clothes into her room and told me that for the rest of the time I was there I should stay in her room.

My cousin mocked me when he saw that his mother believed him over me. I was so ashamed and I decided I would never talk to any man again. However, last year I met this guy who is 30 years old. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I told him that I don't want a man because men lie to much. I asked him why he didn't have a girlfriend and he said he had one but she left him for another guy. He said that he spent a lot of money on her. He said he would never let me down and he would always tell me the truth. He invited me to his home but I told him no. He said he told his sister about me and she wanted to meet me. He and his sister are living together. I went to his house with him and I liked what I saw. I am a girl from a depressed area and his sister told me that if my mother would agree, I should leave that area and come and live with her brother because she was going to America to live, and she would like to know that someone could take care of the place.

Not part of the plan

Up to that time, I did not have sex with this man. However, after seeing the place and meeting his sister, I decided to have sex with him. The very first night we had sex he got me pregnant. Getting pregnant was not part of the plan, but it happened. When I discovered that I was pregnant, I told him that I did not want to keep the baby, but he said if I had an abortion he would leave me because I would be a murderer. I told my mother that he got me pregnant but I did not want the baby because that will prevent me from going back to school, and my mother told me that she will take care of the baby while I go to school.

I am very happy with this man. I don't hear gun shots every night and he comes home early. If he has to work at nights my mother comes and stay with me. I have everything to my comfort and his sister and I have become very close. He is a little jealous, but I told him that he does not need to fear because I will not cheat on him.

K.J

Dear K.J,

I hope everything will go well for you. Your cousin lied on you and you say that his mother believed what he told her, but perhaps one day she will come to realise that her son is not such a saint as he behaves to be. I am glad that he was unable to sexually assault you.

Concerning your present boyfriend, he has made you very comfortable and you love him, but you did not protect yourself against pregnancy, so now you are pregnant. I hope that everything will go well for you and the baby, and that this guy will be true to you and support you and the baby. I also hope that you will be able to go back to school and pursue an education.

This man did not encourage you to abort your pregnancy. That is a good man. Your mother is glad to see you do not have to live in a ghetto area. She loves you and she loves your boyfriend and I am sure she will do her best to help you. Although your aunt did not believe what you said about her son, please do not hold that against her. Please keep in touch with her and forgive her for the attitude she took when you complained to her about her son's behaviour.

Pastor