Don’t know how to tell my man I have two kids

August 26, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I am in love with a man whom I met online. This man was married but he is now divorced. His parents are Jamaicans, but his ex-wife is an American. From what I heard about her, all she did was to eat, drink and smoke. She always wanted more and more money. He tried to teach her to save, but she was never interested in saving.

She had one child before they got married and the child could do no wrong. Whenever he tried to correct the child, his wife got upset and reminded him that he is not the child's father. The mother started to allow her daughter to date guys when she was 15 years old, although he objected to it. This man told me that the woman told him that she started to date at 15 as well. He told the mother that it could only happen if he is not the head of the house, so the little girl cursed him, and that brought an end to the marriage.

I love this man. Since we have become friends, he has been sending me money and he has asked me to marry him. He has already bought a ring and he wants me to make arrangements for the wedding. I have two children, but he only knows about one. My sister had adopted one of my children, so I told him about the one I have. My sister told me that I should let him know about both of the children, although she is not going to give up the one that she has.

I don't know what to do. He may want to leave me now and I don't want that to happen, so please tell me what to do.

Worried

Dear Worried,

You should take your sister's suggestion and tell this man the truth. Tell him that although you have given birth to two children, you have always considered yourself having one child because your sister has adopted one. I hope this man will try to understand your reasoning and not hold that against you.

You should also tell him that you are not ashamed to have given birth to two children, but you know that your sister will never give up the one that she has adopted. This man seem to be in a hurry to marry you, so be very cautious. You have not said whether he has even been to Jamaica. I hope he has and that you have met him personally.

He sends you money often, but I hope that it is not because of the money that he gives to you, why you love him. Money cannot buy genuine love, so make sure that the love you have for him is genuine. I caution you, please don't do a business marriage.

Pastor

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