My man is trying to tie me

September 08, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and hope you can help me. I am only 24 years old and I have a proposal from a man who wants to marry me. He is divorced and has two children, whose mother left them with him. She told him that she did not want to be tied down with children. She does not even take them for weekends. They have been divorced for two years and she has only seen them twice.

My boyfriend's mother stays at his house and helps to take care of the children. My boyfriend's ex-wife does not like his mother because she told him that she was keeping another man with him.

She has never denied that she was having a relationship with another man, who is said to be a police officer. She calls the man's mother a witch.

This man said that he loves me, but I don't know whether his love for me is true love, or if he just wants me to live with him and become the mother of his children. I am working and still at home. I don't have to spend much money because I have a brother, who is 26 years old, and he is also living at home. We put together and pay the utility bills and help our parents.

This man who says he loves me is renting. I asked him how much he pays for rent and he says $60,000, but if I come to live with him, we can share the expenses. I am not prepared to do that. My father told me that any man who loves me should pay for the running of his house. I have not asked this man for money, but he is always telling me that he is broke.

His children call me 'Aunty', and it makes me feel old. I am always trying to protect myself from pregnancy, but the way he is behaving, he wants to get me pregnant and tie me down. I don't want to say that he is mean, but he is not free-handed either.

Please give me your advice.


Dear J.A.,

This man is not ready for a new relationship. It is unfortunate that his wife left him. His mother told you that his ex-wife was involved with another man. How did his mother come to know this? Whether that is true or false, she has never denied it.

If what you have said is true, his ex-wife is not a good mother. A good mother does not just walk away from her children and has nothing to do with them. I am glad to hear that this man's mother is helping to take care of the children.

The rent that he is paying is pretty heavy. You should encourage him to find somewhere that is cheaper. You should inform this man that you are not ready to be married, and you are not ready to leave your parents' house as yet. To get married to this man would mean that you would be taking on the responsibility of mothering and caring for his two children, and you are not yet ready to do so. If you are not careful this man will get you pregnant, and as you correctly said, tie your feet. So be careful how you operate with him.


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