Girlfriend wants my brother out of the house

September 17, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a male in my early 30s and so is my girlfriend. We have been living together for the past three years. We even have a son together. All was going well between us.

We were even planning to get married next year. The problem is, I have a brother who is 20 and I decided to help him get a job in the city. He had just left school and it was difficult to get a job in the rural areas, so I asked my then boss if he knew anywhere and he said yes. I spoke to my girlfriend about my brother living with us and she agreed.

We are renting a small apartment with a tiny bathroom and there is also a small living area. We don't have much furniture in it, so we decided that my brother could sleep in that area. He has to walk through our room to go to the bathroom. After a few months, my girlfriend started to complain about a few things, mainly the use of the bathroom. She says that my brother wakes up too early and when he has to go to the bathroom, the baby wakes up when he knocks to enter our room.

I fully understand the inconvenience she is experiencing, but my brother is not making enough money to rent a place for himself so I reasoned with her and we moved on. My mother practically did everything for my brother, so my girlfriend started to complain that she did not want to cook for him. I found it strange but I told her that she just had to cook for me and her. Then I told her to be more economical and just cook one pot for the three of us and the baby. When the pandemic started and she stopped working things got worse. She complained every day and even got angry with me.

Now to make a long story short, we got into a fight and she threatened to put my brother out or she would move out. My brother is only earning $8,000 a week and that is not enough to rent a place on his own. She doesn't want to live with any of my relatives. She hates my brother and my mother. I love her but I don't know what to do in this situation. Please give me some advice.


Dear J.R.,

You write as if you are so annoyed with your child's mother. You are trying to show that she is very unreasonable, but I see it another way. I see that she has been very helpful to your brother although she has been greatly inconvenienced. Face it, the apartment is much too small for your brother to be living there and he has been there for over a year. You say he earns $8,000 a week and your child's mother has been cooking for him.

Does he contribute anything for food? Does he help your child's mother to clean the house? You said that he was accustomed to having his mother do everything for him, so he expects your child's mother to do the same. Your child's mother is not a helper, so she has a right to complain and you should see both sides of the situation. When she complained about not wanting to cook for your brother, you reasoned with her and she continued to cook for him. Surely, that is not a bad woman. She is fed up of living under her present condition. It is stressful, so it is not wrong for her to suggest that your brother should leave. You should try and find him another place and if you believe that you would prefer having him there with you, let him contribute to the rent. I repeat, your child's mother is not a bad woman and to stand up for her rights does not mean she hates your brother or your mother.


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