Babyfather got my best friend pregnant

September 29, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 and I have two children by a man who left me to go abroad after I had the second one.

I did not want him to go but he kept saying that it would bet better for us and the children. He said that he also had a sickly mother and his father was not in a good job.

So I agreed for him to go. Everything was all right for a few months. He sent money for the children but I missed him. After a while, he stopped calling me often and whenever I called him, he said he was busy at work. Then my cousin told me that this guy was living with one of my friends. She and I were like sisters so I could not believe that she would encourage my man to come to her. I was very angry and I called her and asked her if she was with him. She said that it was not her fault. She said he told her that he always loved her and wanted an opportunity to leave me. The next thing I knew he got her pregnant and they were planning to get married. He told me not to fret because he was just marrying her for papers.

This girl says that she loves him and getting pregnant was a mistake. The plan was to help him with his papers but they were careless. Sometimes when I think about it, I cry. The only time I went with another man is after he got this girl pregnant and I felt the relationship was all over. The man I am with now doesn't like when I talk to my babyfather on the phone. He told me that I am not over him but I told him we have lots of things to talk about including the children's school fees. My new guy says he wants to marry me but I don't trust men anymore. I used to be chubbier and attractive. I went to almost skin and bone when I realised that my children's father was cheating on me. This girl was always inviting me to church and she used to preach to me. Now I don't want to hear a word out of her mouth about God because she is a hypocrite. My children's father is still hoping that everything will work out for him and that he will be able to get his children to the States. I told him that he is wasting time because they will only do so when they are teenagers. But I don't trust him with my children and I don't trust his so-called wife. I hate her.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

Perhaps things did not work out for your child's father as he expected. The US is not a bed a roses but it is a land of opportunity for people who are willing to work very hard and for people who will not forget where they are coming from. I am trying to say that when this man reasoned with you and told you that he wanted to go to America for a better life, he probably meant it, but he fell on hard times and your good friend rescued him and he fell for her. She got pregnant and now he is trapped. She is not going to leave him. She always wanted a man, she thinks he's a good catch. Please insist that he supports his children. Concerning your current boyfriend, I hope that you will not allow him to get you pregnant. You are still young and I suggest that you return to school and work towards a career. You can always sit with the folks at HEART after you figure out what you want to study and they will guide you, and in a few years you will be better off than you are today. I agree that your children are too young to go to live with their father and his babymother. It is unwise to hate him but I don't want to give the impression that it is easy for your to forgive him. He has disappointed you and embarrassed you but you are still young. You can pick up the pieces and move on. As for your so-called friend, she should be ashamed of herself. But you don't have anything to be ashamed of. I hope that you will write to me again and tell me how things are going with you. But please, decide what you want to do in life and work towards it. I wish you well.

Pastor

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