I feel depressed all the time
I am 28 years old and I have two small children. When I found out that I was pregnant with the first child, I was happy. Things were going okay. We could manage.
Then my second child came unexpectedly. I felt like my whole world came crashing down. I fell into deep depression after having my second child. All this unfolded in the beginning of the pandemic. Then I had to stop working. I felt lost, hopeless and everything you could think of. Even though my spouse is here for me, I still feel depressed.
Even though it has been a year, I still feel sad and depressed all the time. I don't have anyone to talk to. When I try to express how I feel, my folks think that I am just being moody; but it is more than that. Sometimes I blame myself for everything that is happening to me. It has reached a point where everything people say about me and my family affects me as if people are trying to drag me under the bus. I try to not think negatively but it is still hard.
I am a good person but I don't want to be overlooked. I want to get out of this depressing state that I am in. I want to be me again. I also hate that I am not able to take care of my children the way I want to. I want to go to Canada to study and provide a better life for my children. But I am unable to do so due to financial restraints. I wish I could get help to accomplish this dream. All I want is one chance. If I could get the help to stand the cost, it would mean a lot to me. I don't know what to do. I feel so drained and depressed. I feel like a failure.
I have read your letter several times and I observed that you have not mentioned whether you have sought medical attention. You have been depressed, but what treatment are you on for it? I understand that circumstances may bring on depression and having a second child that was not planned could have caused great distress.
To make matters worse, you lost your job. That was so very unfortunate. But if you have not sought help, you should. A medical practitioner could help you and prescribe certain drugs that could help your depression.
You seem to be blaming others for your depression and that's not a good thing to do. You are craving attention, but you say that your children's father does his best to help you. You say you have goals and your goals are not being realised because of your problem. You are not happy, but you should endeavour to be happy because happiness is a choice. What you are doing right now is feeling sorry for yourself. You have to ask the good Lord to help you. The apostle Paul said in one of his epistles, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." So, instead of looking around and blaming others for not understanding, you can look to the good Lord for strength to overcome your trials.
Your desire is to go to Canada, but in your current state of mind, you can't go anywhere. You will have to overcome your problems first. Don't look to anybody to pay your way to Canada. Talk to your children's father about this great plan that you have. He should be able to help you. If he cannot, wait until you receive another job and then you can try to get into Canada. You need to take care of yourself right here in Jamaica first before you travel to Canada.
Many people are 'foreign minded' as we say in Jamaica, and nothing is wrong with that. But they need to learn to do well at home because it is not easy to live and work in a foreign land. I hope that you would understand what I have tried to say to you. My prayers are with you.