Not sure if I want this man for myself

November 25, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old woman who is in love with someone who is in another relationship. It all started last year when I fell in love with a close family friend.

We both love and care for each other. He told me that I could have a relationship with someone else since he is in a relationship with his child's mother. She found out about us. So, I stopped talking to him for a few months. During that time, he reached out to me but I did not reply. A month later, I was involved in an accident and he took care of all the things I needed even though we are not sleeping together. So, we got back together.

A few days ago someone told me that he and his babymother were in an argument and she told him that he should go to his "thick gyal". She is always telling him to do things that he is not guilty of. My friend told me that if I want him, I could get him because I am the only one he listens to. The problem is, even though I love him, I don't feel as if I am ready to have him for myself. I don't want his child's mother to leave him for my sake. I feel like I want to let him go, but at the same time, I love him very much. He is not perfect, but we have been through a lot.

I know my worth. But when I am around him, both of us are very happy. Our relationship is very private. Sometimes we pass each other when too many people are around because we do not want to hurt anyone, and we do not want anyone to know about us. What is your advice?


Dear N.W.,

I suggest that you leave this man alone. Let him stay with his child's mother. She knows that both of you have had a relationship and that is why, in her anger, she told him that he should leave her alone and go back to you. That is what any girl would say to a man who has not been faithful to her. You are very naive and you do not realise that this man is using you just for sex. You know in your heart that you want this man and nothing would please you more than for him to leave his child's mother. I believe that this man will continue to use you if you do not take a stand and walk away from him totally. So, my suggestion is that you end this relationship and stop fooling yourself.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories