My wife cheated on me to get a green card

January 13, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am a man in my late 40s. I am separated from my wife. She walked out on me by going abroad and overstaying her time. She has been there for four years.

She left her two daughters and I have tried to be a good father to them. At times, I have been very rough with them, especially when it comes to having boyfriends. My sister has helped me with them. They are in their 20s now.

They visited their mother and when they came back the news was not good. They told me that their mother has a man in America. They challenged her and told her that what she was doing was not right. She told them that she did not mean to hurt me, but she got involved with this man because he promised to help her get a green card. But nothing has happened yet. I don't know how my wife could be so simple because we are still married. So how did he get her a card and he has not employed her?

I have never brought another woman into this house, but I am not perfect. I have a little place where I do farming and sometimes I cook while I am working and my girlfriend visits me there and we spend a little time in the bushes. But my girls have never seen any woman come to see me in my home. I told my sister about my girlfriend. She knows her by name but not in person. She is 10 years younger than I am.


I am not saying these things to make you feel that I am a good man, but sometimes I feel for a woman. Whenever she comes and we do anything, we bathe in the river. I can more than afford to support this young woman. She doesn't weigh me down with expenses. She has a boyfriend but he doesn't even know that we are having a relationship.

My sister told me that I should divorce my wife. The girls said the same thing. I don't know what to do. My wife and I were not struggling when she was in Jamaica, but she was always foreign minded. Please tell me what you believe I should do. I will be looking out for your response.


Dear W.,

This is a decision that you will have to make on your own. Your wife has been away for four years and she doesn't have any plans to return because she doesn't even have permanent status in America.

You said that a man promised to help her obtain that status, but it has not worked. Both of you are still married, but she is having a serious relationship with this man. Your daughters have been to see her in America and they have confirmed that she is involved with a man. I am sure she regrets what she did. On the other hand, she must have believed that this man would have been able to perform some form of miracle and get her that green card and she would come back to you and behave as if everything was right with her in the USA.

She has spoiled the relationship and she has stayed overtime. How sad. But you have admitted that you got involved with another woman and you say it happened because your wife and you have been apart for a long time. I supposed that readers would be sympathetic to you. Your girls have told you to divorce their mother and your sister is encouraging you to do the same.

I think you have tried to be respectful to your daughters by not taking any woman to the house. Even if your daughters suspect that you have a girlfriend, they would respect you for showing them respect. Would you forgive your wife for having another man? I doubt you would. Would you want her back in your life? I doubt you would. However, I am not prepared to tell you what to do. Consider the matter carefully and make your own decision.


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