My daughter is afraid of her badman babyfather

May 12, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 37 and I have three children; two boys and one girl. Their father has not set any good example for them. He was always smoking ganja.

Everybody knew that they could always buy the weed from him. I try to encourage my children to go to school, but they never took to the book. My daughter got friendly with a don. He had her under his full control. Sometimes she would be at home with me and he would just send and call her, then she would leave and tell me that she would soon be back. Sometimes she did not come back for the entire night. If I call, he answers and tells me that she is with him, so why am I worrying.


This man was always in trouble. He was always buying her expensive gifts, but she was afraid of him. I hated this man. When she was ready to do her exams and her father did not give her the money, this man paid for them. He told her to stay home and study. To my surprise, she took five subjects and passed four.

My oldest brother decided to give her a trip, but the don told her that he was not going to allow her to go, so she stayed. She got pregnant, and then she found out that two other women in the community were pregnant at the same time for the don. Her father cannot say a word. When I told him to talk to the don, he said the don told him, 'Daddy, I didn't hold any of them down and have sex with them.' My daughter told me that she is fed up and planning to run away. I don't know what this man does, but he always has money. He has my daughter under his control.

My daughter has a valid visa. My brother said that he is willing to take her. I have given up on my boys. They are not going anywhere. But I would love for my daughter to leave this man and the area. If she doesn't, she will get pregnant again.

Pastor, what do you suggest we should do?


Dear L.,

Your daughter, I am assuming, is over 18 and she has come to realise that she would have to break away from this so-called 'don'. There is no future with him. But you fear for her life.

As I see it, if this girl sees a way of leaving this man, she should be encouraged to do so. You cannot be held responsible for an adult.

Imagine how irresponsible this man is. When her father heard that two girls were pregnant for him in the same community, his response was that he did not hold them down. So he was saying that he did not rape them. They voluntarily had sex with him. So if they are pregnant, they are on their own. Such a man is irresponsible. If allowed, he will have sex with many other women. So if your daughter can find a way to escape from this man, she should be encouraged to do so.

I don't want you to give up on your sons. Encourage them to go to HEART/NSTA Trust to get some training. Sometimes young men can get jobs with older men who are always willing to employ them as sidemen. Some guys have become mechanics by working on the roadside with guys who have learned the trade on their own. I repeat, don't give up on your sons. Concerning yourself, learn to do a little buying and selling. You don't have a good husband, but you can help yourself by becoming a businesswoman.


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