Husband is driving me to cheat

July 05, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I wrote you before but I didn't see my letter published. I am still having some problems with my husband. He is very abusive. He does not hit me, but he is always saying nasty things to me. Sometime he calls me old and, if he chooses to have sex with me, he satisfies himself. While he is doing that, he tells me that my private part is too large. Sometime I just cry and, when he is finished abusing me, I cry myself to sleep.

I ask myself why I put up with his abuse. I don't have to because I am not an ugly woman and men still admire me. I was telling one of his friends how abusive he was to me. He told me that, whenever I feel lonely, he is only one telephone call away. I am tempted to give him a chance in my life but I believe the risk is too great. My husband would kill me. I have a nice shape.

I believe part of my husband's problem is that he has never appreciated me. I have two daughters. They live with their father's mother. When I got involved with this man whom I married, their father asked me if I would give up the children to his mother. I discussed it with my husband and he said yes, at least he would not have to spend money on another man's children. I can see my children anytime and we talk every day.


Back to my husband's behaviour. He told me about the size of my private part so often that I started to believe him. I went to a gynaecologist and checked myself out without telling my husband and she examined me and told me that nothing was wrong with me and what exercises I should do to tighten up. So I know that my husband is always trying to belittle me. He has other women and he wants to leave me to go to one of them. If he does, I can take on his friend.

I have never gone with another man since I got married but my husband is pushing me over the cliff. I would like to have your advice. I do not have to rely on my husband for any money because I am in a good job. Please answer my letter.


Dear A.,

I am afraid that I have to agree with you. Perhaps your husband is trying to belittle you. But he has a purpose in doing so. Evidently he wants to see you go so that he can have an intimate relationship with one of his girlfriends. Your husband does not respect you. How can a man constantly tell his wife that her private part is too large?

You did the right thing by going to a gynaecologist and I am glad she assured you that nothing was wrong with you. So you should not allow your husband to disturb your mind by the things he says.

I beg you, please do not yield to the temptation to become involved with your husband's friend. If you should have a man, you should cut all ties with your husband, including divorcing him. I am not telling you that the man you should be involved with would be his friend, that's not what I am saying. I am saying that, if you would have a man in your life, don't do so until you have left your husband.

When your husband encouraged you to send your two girls to live with their father's mother, you should've known that he didn't care about family life. If your husband continues to abuse you, you should discuss this matter with a divorce lawyer.


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