My side man takes better care of me

October 04, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 23. In fact, he is my main boyfriend. But I have another man who I see occasionally.

My main boyfriend doesn't know that I am seeing this other guy. The other guy is much older, and he has much more time for me. He is retired. So sometimes he sends his driver to pick me up. His driver has also tried to get into a relationship with me and I had to tell him no. I even warned him that I would tell this man that he was trying to get me into bed. He begged me to keep quiet because he didn't want to lose his job.

Sometimes when I go to see my older boyfriend, we don't have sex. We just sit and talk about all kinds of things. Then he gives me money and sends me home. I love him because he is just like a grandfather to me. He likes to talk nasty, so I sent him some rude and nasty texts and they cracked him up. My boyfriend saw some of them, but I lied to him. I don't intend to leave this older man, because he gives me good money and he treats me with respect. He likes to romance me, but most of the time that is all.

My main boyfriend does not have the time for that. He is always in a hurry. I gave my mother the money that I got from this older man to save, because I am afraid to keep it where I am living. I told my mother that I got it from my boyfriend and she believed me. I met this older man on Facebook. He is so loving and kind. Sometimes I am tempted to tell my boyfriend about him. But I am afraid of the way he would react.

This man does not live alone. He has two relatives living with him, but they are working people and when I visit him, they are not there. How do you see this relationship?


Dear I.N.,

You are 19 years old. You have a boyfriend. You should not get involved with any other man. You say your boyfriend doesn't have much time for you, but this much older man does.

Yes, he might be wealthy and is able to give you much more money than what your boyfriend is able to give you, but you should learn to be satisfied with what you are getting. What you need to do is to pursue a sound education and keep yourself away from trouble.

As I read your letter, I asked myself the question: What does this girl want out of life? You are 19, you have a mighty big world in front of you. You should go to university and try your very best to get a good education. That would take you through life. The driver of this older man who picks you up believes that you are cheap, and you are making yourself cheap indeed.

I am not here to condemn you. I am urging you to bring an end to the kind of life that you are living. Keep that older man as a friend, but don't visit him any more.


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