My husband can’t get it up

December 09, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I believe that you can help me. I am in my early 40s and I have been married for 10 years, but it is a long time my husband has not been able to have sex with me.

He cannot get an erection. I have tried my best to encourage him. I told him to go to the doctor and he said that he did. He showed me some pills some months ago that he said the doctor told him to take. They did not help him. What I am doing now, I am not happy about it. I have been cheating on him, but he does not know it. I feel so horny at times that I don't know what to do. I did not ask him to buy me a vibrator, but on my birthday that is what I received from him. He wants me to use it. He told me that he would prefer that I use it, because he would die if I went with another man. When he said that to me, I pretended that he was talking foolishness. But he was not talking foolishness because I am already involved with one of his friends. I am not only having sex with his friend, but his friend is also helping me with my car. I am still paying for my car, which is $25,000 per month. For three months straight, this man gives me money to pay the note. I never thought that I would be in this situation. His friend is a mechanic. Sometimes I leave the car with him. It is a weird situation.

My husband and I do not have children. What I want to ask of you is, now that my husband cannot function, isn't that enough grounds to divorce him? My husband is 65 years old. His friend is the only person I have spoken to about his problem. But I begged him not to tell my husband that I told him about his problem. His friend is married and his children are grown. He is five years younger than my husband. I am thinking that it would be better to divorce my husband than to continue to be married to him and cheat. I am in good shape, any man would want me.

My parents are still alive and they are living in the US. I think about going to America to live, but my husband will never allow me to do so. I think I need my freedom, so please tell me what to do.


Dear C.R.,

I believe what you are trying to get me to do is to find some scripture to justify your infidelity. You declare that your husband is suffering from erectile dysfunction, and as a result he has not been able to satisfy you.

Therefore, you have turned to one of his friends to do what your husband is unable to do. This man has also been helping you to pay for your car. So you have found great joy in having him as your side man, and you wonder whether you can use your husband's problem as grounds for filing for divorce.

I know that in Jamaica, the only grounds for divorce are if there are irrevocable breakdowns in the marriage that cannot lead to reconciliation between the two spouses. I cannot quote any particular scripture that can bring comfort to you for what you have been doing. You are a very hard woman, and you should know that you should not have become involved with your husband's friend. I am not saying that your husband has tried hard enough to get help for his problem, but you know if he were to find out what you are doing, it will surely kill him or send him to the crazy house.

I beg you to talk to your husband's urologist and ask him what further steps can be taken to help your husband.


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