My daughter is living with a married man

March 20, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 65 and living with my daughter and her boyfriend, but I am retired. I can live here because this house is mine. My husband has passed on.

We adopted this girl. We did not go through the courts, but everybody knows that she is our daughter. We put her name on our account. She is a wonderful young lady. She was always very respectful.

Now that I have retired, she handles everything for me. She is not married because her boyfriend is married, but his wife left him because he got involved with my daughter. She did not know that he was married. When she found out, she said that she was not leaving him, because his wife had left him and was involved with another man. I don't like the life that they are living in my house, but they are big people and I don't intend to control their lives.


Many of my friends don't know that they are not married. She does not attend church, but she takes me to church and picks me up; sometime her gentleman takes me.

I am not in the very best of health. So I have made my will, and everything is going to her. Her gentleman has two children, but not with his wife. I told him he should divorce his wife if they are not going to get back together. My daughter is not interested in getting pregnant.

When they are not here, I really miss them. I do not like to be alone for a long time. Some of my friends say that I do not look my age. Some of the men that I have met in senior citizens' meeting have tried to take me out, but I told them that I am too old for that. Some of my female friends and I go out to different functions, and I enjoy that.

Last year I assisted my daughter in buying a car, but her man always wants to drive it. I had to put my foot down and tell him that I did not buy the car for him. He was not pleased, so I asked him what did he do with his money. He told me that I should ask my daughter. I told him that I would not ask her that, but I found it strange that he always wanted to drive her car even though he had one. He said he likes hers because it is new. I have to be careful what I say to her because she loves him more than she loves herself. The reason he is not divorced yet is because his wife has refused to pay the lawyer, and he says he does not have any money.

Don't you believe that something is wrong? I collect a fairly good pension. I cook most times. So this man is practically living in my house for free, but it is because of my daughter why he is here. I would love to get him out of my house because they are living in sin, and I don't like that.


Dear H.G.,

I am glad to know that you are enjoying life in your retirement. Your husband passed on, but he has not left you to suffer. He left you in a good home and now that you have retired, you will receive your pension.

The biggest concern that you have is the life your daughter is living. She is having a relationship with a married man, and he has not made any effort to get a divorce. You would like to see your daughter married, attend church, etc. But she is not pushing him to get a divorce. She believes whatever he says, but you are an intelligent woman, and you know that if he wanted a divorce, he could have found the money to pay the lawyer. But perhaps your daughter is not prepared to insist that he does what is right.

This man is just enjoying himself. He is living in a house for free. He does not have to pay rent or mortgage, and he drives your daughter's car whenever he wants. You say that you don't like that, but it is your daughter who should object. He is free as a bird.

I know you don't want to rock the boat, so to speak, but you should not give him the impression that you are happy to have them living together while unmarried. I am tempted to say that your daughter doesn't have any ambition, but perhaps she has come to the place where she doesn't mind if they don't get married. If he is not going to marry her, perhaps you can suggest that they separate.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories