Husband wants me to refund him for my wedding ring

Dear Pastor,

I am 48 years old and my husband is 52. We have been friends for many years. He was comfortable with the life we were living, but I was not comfortable, and the children were growing up. They were always asking me when their father and I were going to get married. Many of their friends' parents are married. So, I always tell them to talk to their father about us getting married, and they did. This man agreed for us to get married.

We had a very quiet wedding, and the children were very happy. They attended the wedding, they sang a duet, and one of them gave a speech at the reception. Their father behaved as if he was glad to get married. He arranged the reception, paid for it, and then asked me back for half the money that he spent. I could not believe it. Even the ring he gave to me, he said I can keep that, but he wants back half the cost for the ring. Can you imagine that this ring cost him $40,000? He gave it to me and now he wants back half the cost.

The chief of my wedding told me that she would not give him back the ring because that was his gift to me. I am miserable in this place. He has been making my life very miserable. He wants me to go half in everything, and it was not like that before we got married. It seems to me that he has another woman. What do you say I should do, Pastor?

My children told me that I should ignore their father and not give him back any money that he had spent on the wedding. I don't know what has gone wrong with this man. He has become a gambler. Every day he is hoping to hit it big in the Lotto, but he keeps losing his money.

S.M

Dear S.M.,

I agree with your children. Ignore your husband. You don't have to give him back not even one cent of what he spent for the wedding. The ring he gave to you is yours. It is not like an engagement ring where you accepted the ring and then there was no wedding at all. The ring does not cost lots of money -- it's only $40,000. Keep your ring and don't pay him one cent.

He seems to be saying that he regrets marrying you; that is his problem. He probably doesn't have another woman, but he believes that the freedom that he had has been cut, so to speak. That is sad indeed. He is hoping to hit it big in gambling. He does not realise that if he continues to gamble he is making himself poorer every day, and you have nothing to do with that.

Pastor