Wife wants to charge me for sex

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about a matter that I don't know how to handle. I am a man in my 30s and I fell in love with a woman who is 45. We were together for about five years before deciding to tie the knot. Since we got married, she has changed. She started to treat me like a boy. If we have a little disagreement she calls me a boy. She said that if I am a boy, I am a boy, and she is not going to stop calling me a boy until I change.

I don't know my father. I grew up with my mother and grandmother, so I am always talking to them. My wife says only a boy does that. She said it is time for me to leave them alone and stand up on my own. I cannot leave my mother and grandmother, because they depend on me for lots of things. I don't believe that being close to them makes me a boy.

This woman has two children. The children call me by my first name. She has never told them to call me dad. They have their father and I hear them talk to him most of the times, but that doesn't bother me.

I pay most of the bills and I get no respect from the children. If I tell them to perform certain chores, they will laugh and complain to their mother. They only do things that their mother say they should do. This woman gets upset if I don't give her a certain amount of money. She calls me mean and tells me that is why she is not going to allow me to do what I want with her.

I told her she has no respect, and she says she can't respect a boy. Whenever she is upset she sleeps in tight shorts and turns her head down to the bed foot -- so we sleep head and tail. I find that she is doing that more often, and so I have withdrawn myself from the bedroom. Why should I sleep head and tail with my wife?

Believe me, Pastor, I am beginning to think that this woman has another man in her life. I cannot prove it, but the way she behaves makes me suspicious.

Her two daughters are in their teens and they behave like big women. They even have boyfriends. This woman is working, but she does not help me pay any bill. I hope that she will change. Please tell me what to do.

M.B

Dear M.B.,

You say that this woman is older than you. I want you to know that although she is older than you, you should not allow her to control you. You are the man of the house, and you are the head of the house. She runs the house, but she should do so with dignity, and she should have respect for you.

From what you have said, she does not have any respect for you at all, and she is vulgar. She talks as if any time you would like both of you to make love, you would have to pay her for doing so. I know it is true to say that some women demand money from their husbands if they want to have sex. One woman told me that she demands money from her husband all the time. I don't consider these types of women good women. They are selling their 'stuff' and they are shameless.

Why is it that you wife would like to charge you for making love to her? The woman is greedy. The woman needs to go and get herself a job. If she already has one, she needs a better-paying one.

Concerning what you said she does to go to bed, if a woman would dress in shorts and sleep upside down, she is sending a message to you that she doesn't want you.

Dear sir, I insist that you and your wife go and see a family counsellor and deal with these problems quickly. She has not taught her girls to respect you, and the house is not going to be in peace unless the mother of these children is willing to change. I wish you the very best, my dear sir.

Pastor