LIFE WAS NOT kind to Zia Bigby.

During her short life, her mother packed and left home, leaving her and her two elder sisters and a brother behind. Those sisters would eventually die within a year of each other. It would only become more difficult when her father was unable to find even lunch money or bus fare to send her to school.

Things began to get brighter when a wealthy stranger began showering her with money, gifts, and expensive weekends at North Coast hotels. It would not last.

All this proved too much for the teen. So, on June 28, 2001, 14-year-old Zia Bigby, a student of the Lacovia High School in St. Elizabeth, hanged herself from a tree in her backyard.

Buried in grief

Zia's father, 50-year-old Fitzroy Bigby is still buried in grief over her suicide, even as he mourns the death of his other two daughters who also died after their mother abandoned them. The only surviving members of his family are himself and his 20-year-old son, Okeshue Bigby. But despite his one remaining child, he bears his grief alone, as his son no longer lives with him.

When THE STAR caught up with Fitzroy in Crawford, St. Elizabeth, recently, he was dicing hundreds of peppers under a canopy beside a grocery shop. He explained that this was one of the ways he earned money. The peppers, he said, were to be used to garnish fish that would be sold at a dance on the weekend.

The overwhelming smell of pepper brought instant tears to the eyes, but that apparently did not bother Fitzroy as he shook his head and smiled wryly. His only protection from the pepper he was handling were two plastic bags wrapped around each hand.

Painfully obvious

As he told his story, it became painfully obvious that the small framed Rastafarian was no stranger to grief. In fact, despite displaying a positive outlook in the face of his many losses, with his family gone, grief is now his only companion.

He explained that he used to sell in the Black River Market to earn a living before his children's mother walked out and death stole his three daughters. He said his prolonged absences from home because of his job caused problems in the relationship which resulted in his children's mother moving out.

Shortly after she left, based on the findings of an autopsy, his 17-year-old daughter died of 'natural causes' in 1996. The following year, another daughter who was also 17, and who had a heart problem, also died. Zia followed in 2001, four years later.

The grieving father explained that he had difficulty providing for his four children. He said he was relieved and grateful when Zia met a woman one morning while she was on her way to school who started to assist her financially.

He said Zia met the woman, whom he said is the wife of a doctor who had a practice in Whitehouse. He said the woman offered Zia a ride to school as she had been unable to get a bus and had been running late. He said a friendship developed between his daughter and the woman and Zia would spend weekends and holidays with her and her husband who would sometimes take them to the north coast.

He said he saw the woman a few times but he never met her husband. He said although the woman would give Zia money, he was not certain how much she got as he said his daughter would not divulge how much money she received.

The woman also gave her clothes. He said he also received money from the woman on a number of occasions.

Nothing strange

When asked if he found anything strange with the friendship, Fitzroy said no, he was just glad that Zia had found a woman who could be a role model for her and perform the role of a surrogate mother. He took things at face value and never dug beneath the surface of what appeared to be genuine attempts by someone to assist his daughter who was in need.

When asked if he noticed any changes in Zia after she met the woman he said she started lying, particularly about the amount of money she received from her. He said when asked Zia would say she got only $200 but based on how much she was spending, he knew it was much more. "I guess she start spen' more money than she was used to and get caught up in big life whe she neva used to," he reflected.

Too much privacy

Fitzroy admitted that had he been more attentive to his daughter, chances are she might not have killed herself. He said he only discovered that Zia had gone way off course after her death. He said he usually respected her privacy and never searched her school bag nor went through her things. Belatedly, he admitted that this might have been a fatal mistake. "Maybe mi give her too much privacy," he said ruefully as he reflected on the evidence he had missed that would have indicated that his daughter was in trouble.

He said it was after Zia's death that he searched her bag and found school reports that indicated that she had been absent from school very often. He said he also discovered that she had been seen in Black River on a number of occasions in shorts when she should have been at school and was told that she would carry clothes in her school bag and change out of her uniform.

Okeshue Bigby, Zia's brother, also carries his share of grief but puts up a brave front. He said he missed his mother somewhat but felt her presence would have meant more to his sisters as it was they who needed a female role model. "It would have been different for the girls if she had stayed," he said.

He also admitted that the deaths of his three sisters affected him but acknowledged with no hesitation, that Zia's death affected him the most.

"The way she died was unbelievable," he said.

He said he never imagined that Zia would have committed suicide as she had given no indication that she would do such a thing. He said he and Zia had a close relationship but said he met the woman who had befriended Zia only once very briefly.