Tell Me Pastor

The storm after the calm

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you in the mighty name of Jesus our soon coming King I am a 26-year-old young woman from Clarendon now working in Portmore, St. Catherine. I am badly in love with this guy, although I am unhappy with something that he said to me.

I am in this relationship for a year and six months. About two weeks ago, he went to St. Martin for two weeks and he did not call me. Before this experience I have had some difficult problems with him. If I don't call him most of the time he doesn't call me. When I talked to him about it he said that I worry myself too much.

I went to Mandeville to spend some time with him. During that period we were making love and I found out that he didn't want to kiss me. I asked him what is the problem and he said sometimes he doesn't like to kiss. I feel that he doesn't love me but I don't know if he is afraid to tell me.

Off the island

The first time we met he told me that he was recently in a relationship but his girlfriend was off the island. And from she went overseas she didn't call him, but all of a sudden he told me that she called him so I said "I didn't know that both of you were corresponding?" He said he didn't tell me that they had broken up. He also said that she was going to give him a trip. He said that it was an opportunity he was not going to allow to pass him. He said he can afford the airfare so she doesn't have to send him a ticket.

I feel so badly. I am worried. I asked him why he didn't call me when he was in St. Martin and he said he didn't have any money to buy anything because not even his mother he didn't call. He is always comparing me with his mother. Our relationship at first was great. He used to pick me up from work while I was working in Mandeville. He showed me respect. He has never abused me. Only one thing I don't like, I have to ask him for money. He said he doesn't know when I want money. That is not really the issue here. The issue is whether he loves me.

I am trying to decide whether I should leave him. I really do love him but I don't think I should stay in a relationship that is hurting me.

Please advise me about the relationship. Good men are so hard to find and I don't want to leave him and end up sorry. Please tell me what to do.

N.E., Clarendon

Dear N.E.,

When this guy met you he told you he had a girlfriend but she was abroad. He did not tell you the relationship had ended. You shouldn't have assumed they were no longer intimate friends. Now he has advised you that he is planning to join her.

It seems to me that this guy is preparing you for the worst. He is having a good time with you while she is away and as long as you are prepared to be intimate with him he will continue to do so. There is no future with this man so you should get that in your mind. Even if he is not granted a visa, this woman may come to Jamaica, marry him and file for him to live with her in the United States. Therefore I repeat, prepare for the worst. It is up to you to decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship with him. But you cannot say you have not been warned.

Pastor.