Commentary

What does it mean?

P AND I were chatting last week about a number of things which absolutely puzzle us about which we have no idea. Maybe someone out there can help me figure it out because we just don't know.

Figure this. Special F and I go shopping together most of the time. For you newly weds, and 'old weds,' shopping together is cool for couples. Sure it is not like having sex, but it is like having sex ­ learn to share and appreciate other things apart from your bodily fluids.

Anyway I digress, we have started shopping at our nearest SuperPlus because it is so much cheaper than our country supermarket even though it is 13 miles away ­ that is for another column. Of course you know I thought that I was the ultra observant one in this pair but My Special F has proven again and again that he can pay serious attention to detail.

We are used to seeing security guards at a number of places, you know the ones dressed in the obvious uniforms with those officious badges stuck to their sleeves and breast pockets. So, I walked past this female security officer, or so I thought, inside the supermarket and thought nothing of it.

Special F was chuckling, I asked him why. He wheeled our supermarket trolley back past this female security officer and discreetly pointed to her sleeve, it read: "Loss Prevention Officer."

I thought, "Loss Prevention Officer" what on earth does that mean? Special F insists that she is in the store to help customers who might have lost something inside the store. Anything, like their cell phones, pens, towels, stuff like that. I pondered and said, nope maybe they got the wording and the spelling a little wrong in an attempt to abbreviate, and they really meant "To Prevent You Getting Lost ­ Officer". So her real function is to help customers navigate the isles, find things and not get lost in the store.

What are you saying: 'C you idiot, the Loss Prevention Officer prevents loss' And we did not think that the security officer did this?! Or to keep things secure doesn't stop them from being deemed a 'loss'? I dunno.

Anyway at Superplus I was laughing so hard I did not have the heart, as I normally would, to just go up to the lady and ask her what exactly is the role of a 'Loss Prevention Officer' and whether she is substantially different, apart from in name, from the good old security officer.

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