Tell Me Pastor

Stick to the evil...

DEAR PASTOR,

I am a 19-year-old girl living in London for the past five years. I have a problem. I am still in love with my boyfriend whom I left behind in Jamaica when I was 14 years old, even though I have a loving partner and two beautiful children here with me.

We grew up together. When I was 14, he was 18. He was my uncle's best friend. He and my uncle were the same age, so my grandparents did not approve. We lived almost in the same yard in Jamaica.

I live in London now because the mother I didn't really know lives here and came for me to live with her. She returned when I was 12. That was the first time anyone had heard or seen her since I was three years old. She mistreated me, so I had to look to the Child's Protection Service for help.

Now I live with my partner whom I love very much, but I am not in love with him (if you know what I mean). He was the one that I could turn to when I was in need of love. I have no other family here other than my mother and two younger sisters.

Stressing me

I sought comfort in this man. He loves and provides for us very well, but it is getting to me. Now that I am 19 with two kids I have no freedom and I don't love this man that much. I often think that if I didn't have the children I would have left him. He is 30 and we have been together for three years.

I can't leave him, because I would be alone. I don't know what to do. I talk to the guy in Jamaica all the time and he still loves me. I think about him everyday. This is really stressing me.

Should I follow my heart and go with this guy, or should I stay with my partner for the sake of my children and because it is the right thing to do?

Please help me.

S. W.,

London, England

Dear S.W,

You are in a relationship of convenience. This man in England rescued you, so a relationship developed and you became his children's mother. Now you feel mixed up, because you are not happy although he is a good provider. I am sure he would become very unhappy if you were to tell him that you are not in love with him and that your heart is on the guy who is living in Jamaica.

It is not always easy for a counsellor to suggest what a person in your situation should do. Yes, it is true that love is the key to a happy relationship. It is the very foundation of a union, but at the same time when people have got themselves into situations, such as yours, they have to think of their children and the consequences of walking away from spouses who care for them.

What I am trying to say to you is this ­ you know what is happening to this man with whom you are living. You know that he would give his life for his children and you. He is a good provider. On the other hand, the guy who is living in Jamaica is only chatting and telling you that he still loves you. How do you know he is speaking the truth? Would he treat your children as well as their biological father? Can he provide for both you and them? Does he have a girlfriend or wife in Jamaica?

I hope you see where I am going. I am trying to say that you are to stick with the evil that you know.

Pastor