Tell Me Pastor

He drives me crazy

Dear Pastor,

I have been living with a man for the past 19 years. This man is very controlling, abusive and demanding. If I say something to him, he gets an attitude. His mouth is so dirty. He curses all the time. I have a problem with depression and he doesn't seem to understand it. He told me that if he knew that I was like that he would not have married me. He demands sex. If we don't have sex one night, he wants it the other night.

Unappreciative

I filed for him to come to America, but he does not appreciate me. When he comes home from work he doesn't even have the decency to say good evening. When I cook and ask him if he is ready to eat, he ignores me. He would wait until I am seated and then he would say that he is not going for any food because I am the one that provided it. He never tells me that I look nice. He has caused the blood in my body to 'dry up'. He tries to embarrass me in front of people. He often tells me that I go out to look for other men and that I have sex with these men and that is the reason why I don't want to have sex with him.

I am asking you for your advice on how to deal with this situation.

B. B.,

New York, USA

Dear B. B,

This man and you have been together for 19 years, so both of you should know each other well. And the love you have for each other should be very strong. It is indeed regrettable that he curses you and embarrasses you before people. He ought not to accuse you of going out with other men but take heart, some men say that to their women even when they don't have any proof at all.

How can this man expect you to relate to him sexually when he is constantly abusing you? He doesn't understand that for a woman to perform well in bed at night, her man has to make love to her all day. Silly men think that they can abuse their women during the day and then touch them at nights and say, "roll over."

Your man has to learn to appreciate you. You suffer bouts of depression, but that does not mean that you cannot function well. And if he does not treat you with respect and understanding, your condition is likely to worsen. Therefore, encourage him to accompany you to the doctor or your psychologist when you are going for your next appointment.

Pastor.