Tell Me Pastor

Needy people

Dear Pastor,

I have been living in America for about 10 years. For my 15th birthday I went to Jamaica to visit family members and I met the most wonderful guy. I am 20 years old and he is 23 and we are still together. He asked my family for my hand in marriage before he asked me.

We have had many ups and downs in our relationship because of the long distance but we have managed to get through them. But I think we have a bigger situation on our hand this time and I am not even sure if we can get through it.

Confession

The problem is that he recently confessed to me that he had two sexual relations twice with the same person on separate occasions in a five-month period. He is the only man that I have ever loved. Is there something wrong with me if I am not upset about him having sex with someone else but only upset that he did not tell me right away? To be honest, it does hurt to know that he cheated on me more than once but I feel that there is probably no one else out there that will express their love for me like he has.

I understand that we all have needs and only a year has gone by since we have been intimate with each other. Since then I have also been intimate with someone else. I felt an attachment to this other person. This other guy has been dishonest with me about everything since he first day we met. I figure that everything happens for a reason because when I met this other guy I was straying. I have been hurt so many times that I really don't know what to do. The guy I love calls me from Jamaica at least three times and tells me how sorry he is and how much he misses me and also that he wants us to get married.

Pastor, please help me because I don't know what to do. I guess I am just young and confused.

A. C.,

Florida, USA

Dear A. C,

You have exercised tolerance with your boyfriend in Jamaica because you have got involved with a man in North America. You probably would not have been so understanding if you did not go to bed with another man. He told you what he has done. Are you prepared to tell him what you have done? Do you feel that he would be as understanding as you?

I suggest that you keep in touch with this man but that you terminate the intimate relationship that you are having with the other guy.

If you feel that you should date other men, you should let your boyfriend in Jamaica know that until you are sure about whether there is a future between the both of you, you will continue to date and that he should date other girls.

Please understand that when I say date I am not talking about going to bed with guys. A girl can date without going to bed with the guys she dates. Pray about your situation. God is able to guide you.

Pastor.