Tell Me Pastor

Husband has changed since our marriage

Dear Pastor,

I live in the USA and I have a problem. I met this guy about six years ago and at the beginning everything was going well.

Then, things began to go down hill. For example, when we got married (not long after dating) ­ I mean less than six months ­ the first sign of trouble was that he started to stay out later and later like until 6:00 in the morning. It got even worse when he would start an argument with me for nothing at all.

Then I got him his papers within the first year of being in the USA and he treated me so badly. He started beating me for stupid stuff and I am only 5 feet 5 inches and he is 5 feet 11 inches, so you can see the difference. That's why I called the police several times on him instead of retaliating against him. It has been five years and we are still together.

The reason for this letter is that today we were talking and I asked him what are we going to do because at this time I don't get any affection or anything from him, and when we have sexual relations I don't feel anything. I try. I pray and I don't understand what's going on. I have tried to be nice and I think about his feelings all the time. That is why he is still here, I think. But, when in life does a person give up and start thinking about one's self and move on if one is unhappy like I am?

I gave him a chance. I was born in the USA. I am sure any foreigner would love to get the chance that I have given to him. He always says I did nothing for him. He is ungrateful, but that's okay. I read your column all the time and I decided to ask for some advice for myself. We do not have any children, but I have a heart. Every time he accuses me of cheating, it makes me angry because I know I am not. He is too jealous and that is another problem.

Please give me your advice, and may God bless you and all the people in the world. Thanks.

D.P., Maryland

Dear D.P.,

Your husband is indeed very ungrateful. He is taking you for a ride. It's obvious that you love him but he doesn't love you.

I am surprised that you have allowed yourself to be beaten and treated with such gross disrespect. He is behaving as a spoilt child. He doesn't care about you, and you have allowed him to get away with his bad behaviour for too long.

Why haven't you thrown him out of your house? That's what you should do. He has used you. Can't you see that?

You are not enjoying anything from this man or with this man. You deserve to be happy. Accusing you of having a man with him is just a cover up for his dirty behaviour. It is time for you to bring an end to this nonsense.

Pastor.