Tell Me Pastor

Should I take her back?

Dear Pastor,

I have a problem and really need your advice. I have been with my girlfriend for three years now. We had a fight before she went home to Jamaica a month ago. Nevertheless we communicated with each other while she was down there.

She came back a week ago and revealed that she had sex once while she was there, even without a condom.

Pastor I am not a soft guy. I have been there and done it ­ from guns to gangs ­ everything. I almost hit her but I did not. I knew that it would not be right. I am staying away from her for a while (until I can get some advice). I have never cheated on her and there was always that opportunity.

I was thinking of marrying this girl, but all that has changed. I don't even think I love her anymore. I need some advice. Could you help me? What should I do? You are the only person I can turn to.

H., New York, U.S.A

Dear H.,

I suggest that this lady and you go for counselling if you believe that what she did was a big mistake and she is sorry about it. Bear in mind that she might have told you that she had sex with another man because she does not care about you anymore and she would love for you to go your way.

She may also have said it because her conscience is bothering her. I really don't know. That is why I am suggesting that both of you go for counselling.

Some girls try to hit back at men when things are not going right. On the other hand, you have to bear in mind that when this woman left you to visit Jamaica, the relationship between both of you was rocky.

Perhaps she thought that both of you would never get back together so to have sex with another man would be no big thing. I don't know. I am only guessing.

I am glad that you did not hit her. You know that you can get into trouble with the law if you were to physically abuse a woman.

Pastor