Commentary

Spot the signs of a good woman

Jackass sey di worl' no level, for ooman love come pitch pon good man afta dem done sketelise up demself an naa tell man bout wha use to gwaan, so man can mek 'im choice.

LAST WEEK, JACKASS looked at how some women settle for a 'little man' after having a rough time going after the men that they really, really want. And, naturally, after they have done the rounds, when they hook up with the man who looks safe but was not what they really wanted they treat him bad bad.

So, the 'good guys' have to learn to spot the signs that a woman is settling on them, so that they can save themselves a whole lot of trouble. For as sure as Bounty and Beenie are going to 'ketch up' at some time or the other, that woman is going to figure out in her little mind at some time that she could have 'done better' and start resenting the good guy she is with.

The bottom line is, a 'ho', practising or retired, belongs in a back road 'ho-tel', not the home. (And that applies to men as well, by the way, so women beware.)

And so (drum roll please), what are some of the signs of a settler the all discerning, all seeing, all chewing all... OK, you got it, all everything Jackass has picked up on?

She always manages to mention what kind of lavish treatment she was 'used to', when what she is getting from the good guy will more than suffice. It is her birthday and Mr. Good Guy (hereafter called GG) takes her to a restaurant. She looks at the menu, squints and asks why élan de goaterree is not listed, because that is what she is used to having. Translation of action: she was with a married man who carried her to a fancy restaurant once before she took her rightful place of parked up car at roadside outside Palisadoes bonkings, with a hot wings combo to go. Long-term effect: she is going to believe that she gave up the good life to be with GG. Required reaction: get out of there fast.

Religious fever

She has got old time religious fever at a relatively young age and tends to speak about 'finding my way back to the Lord, who is faithful and just and man can't judge, only God'. Translation of action: she popped out like a pimple on Florence Griffiths-Joyner after a dose of the booster, she wishes she could wipe out the past and figures that a dip in the healing stream will washy you know where clean. Long term effect: the itch will come back and she will probably do things to irritate GG, so she can have a good excuse to hitch up that long skirt, while praying to the Lord for forgiveness each time. Required reaction: get out of there fast.

She likes to rag some supposedly high brow stuff into ordinary conversation, then give a high-pitched laugh and say "you would not understand". Translation of action: she used to sleep with her teachers at school or the 'bright boys' in the class. Long-term effect: she is going to figure that she is some great intellectual and try to belittle you. Required reaction: get out of there fast.

And there are other signs, like complaining about a perfectly good car because "the ac is not cold enough" (she used to screechy on back road with a guy who owns a BMW), or if her closet is full of 'hottie hottie clothes that she says 'oh, I used to wear those a long time ago (she used to wine up in parties to attract 'hot guys').

Whatever the sign, don't let that fish hook you, GGs.

Jackass sey di worl' no level. Jackass sey a GG fi watch out fi some multiple indefinite crash an waan straighten ooman.