Tell Me Pastor

Acting like he owns me

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column from I was very young and really enjoy it. Keep up the good work.

I am now 19 years old and I opened a bar in a well known area. There, I met a 24-year-old guy that I really liked. Other men came boasting about what they had but I go after a person for who he is and not what he has. Looks can be very deceiving. This guy had nothing to boast about, but I wanted him. He dresses quite ordinary and he still lives with his parents.

It so happened that one night I was closing up and he offered to help me. I accepted and invited him on the veranda. We were talking and I ran to answer my phone. He followed me inside and held me. I tried to free myself but it had been some months since I had sex, so we had sex.

After that, he acted as if he owned me. He disgraces me and smashes up my phone whenever it rings. He even hit me once but I hit him back telling him that was as far as it goes because even love has its boundaries.

I have grown to dislike him and I told him that it is over. I cannot get him to leave me alone. I cannot afford to close my bar because I am really depending on the money so that I can start attending college in September.

I don't want to hurt him or to get him arrested, but I want him to leave me alone. Please give me your fatherly advice.

Identity withheld by request

Dear ......

If this man continues to harass you, go to a lawyer and have him or her take out a restraining order against him. Don't be afraid to do so. Sometimes women should not go easy on some men because they do not take no for an answer. This guy walked like a pussycat to get you to love him and then he has turned into a wild beast. You may have to take him to court to let him know that you do not want him in your life anymore.

Don't be afraid to stand up against him.

Pastor