Tell Me Pastor

No kidding around

DEAR PASTOR,

I am in a situation and I would be grateful for your advice. I met my husband 10 years ago. Since then, I have loved him with all my heart. He has cheated on me with several women during our relationship. Call me a fool if you like, but I always take him back. He gets very angry easily. He has never laid a hand on me, but he has been verbally abusive. However, we always seemed to be able to work that out.

I have never cheated on him in all the years that I have known him. Believe me, pastor, I could have, but I respect him and care about him too much to have done that. We got married last year and we had a fairy tale wedding. This is the problem, pastor. I have two daughters from my first marriage, and he thinks that it is time that they move out. One is 23, the other 27. We have a room to accommodate them and they are both in college. Personally, I think that they should at least finish school because although they both work in the days and go to school at nights, right now, they do not have enough money to pay rent.

This has put a great strain on our relationship. We own the house that we live in and my children are not in our way. I think my husband is being very selfish. Now, the verbal abuse has got so bad. The filthy names and curse words are unbearable. Yet, in front of his friends, he is the perfect husband. A few of his friends caught him cursing me the other day and they were very upset. They asked him if he would like to hear another person speaking to me in that manner.

I have got on my knees and asked God to intervene. My husband refuses to go to counselling with me. Pastor, I really don't know how much more of this abuse I will be able to take. I want to save my marriage, but tell me, can there be any kind of love in his heart seeing that he treats me this way?

May God continue to bless you.

U.J., New York

Dear U.J.,

Your husband is a hard man. Don't ask your children to leave. You are helping them with their education by allowing them to stay with you. Let them help a little with the bills, but don't ask them to leave. Whether or not your husband is aware of it, if he continues to be so abusive to you, and the children know about it, they are going to hate him.

He has to learn not to be selfish and the children ought to be respectful to him. I really hope that they are not disrespectful and they are not behaving as as if they do not care about him. Sometimes some children walk in and out without saying good morning and good evening etc.

Insist that your husband and you go for counselling. Ask his friends to encourage him to go with you. And if you know that your children are doing anything to cause your husband to feel uneasy, ask them to desist immediately.

Pastor