Tell Me Pastor

Want to stop arguing with mom

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old first year CAPE student at a community college. My mother and I are a case by ourselves. If we get into an argument, I cannot control my temper and therefore I argue back at her. After the arguments, I cry because my heart wants to stop arguing with my mother. There are times when we argue so long that I leave her alone. She then goes away and tells another person about my behaviour. While telling that person, she cries.

I feel so bad because I don't want how I treat my mother now to reflect on who I am tomorrow, or how my own child will grow up to treat me. If you could just really pray for me that I will stop this evil act, then life for me will be better.

She is a really nice lady, but she is also someone who finds it hard to forgive. Even when I write that "I am sorry" and send it to her with a small forgiveness gift, she would send it back to me and say that she doesn't want anything from me.

I hate it when she tells me that bad blessings are on me or "mi soon meet mi wata loo." I feel as if I want to turn back the hands of time and take back all the things I ever said to her in a rude manner, especially when we argued. I am giving up on life now since I am now pregnant. She wants me out of her house and I will have to stop from school to take care of the baby. I hope so much that I lose the child. But what if this was meant to be and it is the only one God has provided for me?

I want the relationship between me and my mother to be better. When I tell some people that we argue they say, "But that is your mother, how can you argue with her?" Deep down, it doesn't feel as if she is my mother.

I need some serious counselling, but I don't have the funds. I would prefer someone who has gone through a rough teenage life but is now successful in his/her future. After I have my child I would like to do hotel and tourism management or attend a nursing school. God bless us all.

D. S., St. Catherine

Dear D.S.,

I am very happy that you have come to your senses and that you are eager to receive counselling. Perhaps if you were willing to listen to your mother and follow her guidance you might not have become pregnant while in school. I am not condemning you. I am hoping that you will have your baby, return to school and pursue your goals. I am also hoping that the man who impregnated you will stand by you and assist you in every way. Perhaps he is not financially able to do so and will need the assistance of his parents etc.

Your mother is fed up. She believes that you have failed her. I want to beg you to try and co-operate with her. You need to have a good relationship with your mother. Whether you know it or not, every girl needs her mother.

Please call the Salvation Army nearest to you and tell them that you want to meet with a counsellor. They will counsel you for free. They may also be in a position to assist you with some of the things you will need for your baby. My prayers are with you. Do let me hear from you again.

Pastor