Tell Me Pastor

Bad apple

DEAR PASTOR,

I am an American. I met a Jamaican when he was here at the labour camp picking apples. I fell in love within two weeks of knowing him. We only saw each other for four weeks, then he had to go back home because I did not have room for him to live with me.

This has been since October of 2004. We still talk on the phone every day. I miss him so much. He will be back in August. All these months, I wanted to marry him and live the rest of my life with him. But now life has taken an interesting twist. I have met another guy. He is American. I have slept with him probably every night for the past two weeks. I have not told my man in Jamaica about him.

I have prayed and prayed about the situation. I do not know what to do. I have feelings for the American, but I do not know if these feelings are just because the man that I am in love with is not here to give me what I need. Maybe it is that I am not in love with him as I thought I was, and I may be in love with a fantasy or an image of what used to be. My Jamaican friend is planning to come to the United States. He should be staying with me so we can get married.

He does not suspect or expect that anything is going on with me. Help me. What should I do?

D.S., USA

Dear D.S.

You seem to find it very easy to fall in love, if love is what it really is. You knew this Jamaican man for four weeks and the only reason he didn't live with you is because you didn't have room. You were well aware that he planned to return to America to live with you, yet in the interim you have been sleeping with another man.

At the same time you have given the impression to the Jamaican man that all is well with you. What you are doing is not right. Call the Jamaican man and tell him that you have another man in your life, or tell the man with whom you have been sleeping that you have a Jamaican man and that he is planning to come to the United States to marry you.

You should know which of these men you love more. Jamaican men don't like women who play games with them. You would not tolerate your Jamaican man if you were told that he is sleeping with another woman. You American girls are always accusing Jamaican men of playing games, but you play games too. Make up your mind which of these men you really want in your life.

Pastor