Commentary

Dem man deh a real man

By OWEN ELLIS, Contributor

I KNOW MEN who don't have to spend all their waking hours talking about fuel injection and carburettors and engine size and sub woofers, who don't need to beat their chests and declare how "wicked inna bed" they are, but who actually enjoy writing, reading and talking about things like poetry, and 'dem man deh a still real man!'

I know men who don't need to talk loud and abrasive or flash a knife, and use gun talk to assert their masculinity. I know men who don't only want to 'kill two catty' but really want to love a lady; for not just the shape of her behind, but more for the thrill he finds in the beauty of her mind. I know men who will still salute you with a firm handshake (and a real smile!) and refuse to follow fashion and rub thumbs. I know men who don't have to greet you with a lion paw to prove that they have lion heart. I know men who have the moral courage to admit publicly that they do housework, and that it is OK for a man to stop by the pharmacy and pick up a pack of feminine napkins for his lady. I know men who (except for breast feeding) share equally with their spouses in all domestic and childrearing duties, and 'dem man deh a real man!'

I know men who agree that relieving your bladder in public is not cool and manly, it is disgusting and nasty! I know men who can still fall deeply in love, stand firm on a matter of principle and sit quietly to listen to reason or give counsel. And they are not from Mars! I know men who don't read porno magazines and don't care much for finding out which team is doing well in the NFL or the NBA. I know men who find real fulfilment in doing the crossword puzzle and playing the target word game in THE STAR every day. I know men who don't think their car is an extension of their manliness and that speed is the only proof of skill. I know men who can plait their daughter's hair, who never miss a PTA meeting and who can watch a touching scene in a movie and cry tears, and 'dem man deh a real man!'

I know many good brethren; decent, hardworking, intelligent and compassionate men who don't fall into the typecast mould of the 'typical' Jamaican man. Men who are not your stereotype or "walkman type", just ordinary men who fully realise that real strength lies in the ability to think independently, and do that which your conscience tells you is right even when it is not popular.

I know men who are deeply concerned about gender inequalities and who value the role of women. I know many men who are genuinely conscious and actively involved in gender work, and ' man deh a real man!'

It's just that popular music, mass media and society in general spend so much time glorifying "thugs, thieves and troublemakers' that we have no time to notice that 'nuff real man still deh bout!'

Readers can box up a response and send it to me at: box-mi-back@hotmail.com