DEAR PASTOR,
Good day to you. I always like reading your column. I have seen on many occasions where females write to you asking for advice. These females are intimately involved with men who already have girlfriends and you would advise that where it is best, they should end the relationship.
I must confess that I used to judge these females and say that they are stupid and that they are to just get over it. This was the case until I ended up in a similar dilemma. It is tearing me apart.
I am just a young girl in my early twenties and I am having 'man trouble'. I knew he was involved with someone else before I started seeing him, but because she was away most of the time, I took advantage and went along with the relationship. Things were fine until I started to realise that I was not the only one he was seeing. And what breaks my heart is the fact that I love him and it is just so hard to turn and walk away.
Never in my lifetime had I thought that I would not be able to eat because of a man. I know I am silly, and I can probably sum up your advice already, but what does a person do when they just cannot walk away because of vulnerability and insecurity.
Please pray for me because I know that there is no future in this relationship and I get such crazy ideas of doing him something bad. Please help me!
Vulnerable.
Dear Vulnerable,
Now you know from your own personal struggles that it is never good to judge or condemn anybody. You have fallen into the trap of being in love with a man who has other women. You made a fundamental mistake by getting involved with this man although you knew that he had a relationship with another woman. I suppose you were hoping that you would have won over this man's heart because his steady girlfriend was away so often. You made a mistake.
It hurts deeply now because you have come to realise that this man is not only playing with you but that he is seeing a third woman. You are deeply in love with him but you need to see that unless you let go, you are going to get hurt even more. And this man is going to lie and lie and lie. This is not going to be easy for you but you ought to let go. If you want to have peace of mind, cut yourself loose of him. Don't go close to him at all. If he has keys to your apartment, ask him to return them. If he refuses to give them to you, change the locks. Change your telephone numbers and if he comes knocking on your door, call the police. If he stalks you, see a lawyer and take out a restraining order on him.
Pastor
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