TRUST ME; IF stupidity was illegal, every prison would be full!
I went into an Island Grill outlet recently and ordered my favourite meal: "satisfaction". As soon as the cashier repeated my order, some young men behind me started snickering and making veiled references to homosexuality. I eventually found out that the source of their amusement was the fact that I had ordered a meal which is listed on the chart as number two.
Yes, that is the latest trend. If you want to be in with the crowd as a man, you are not supposed to say, or tolerate hearing anybody else say "number two". I hear that there are men who will risk damaging the gear box of their cars by jumping from first gear to third gear to avoid number two. Some men now say "number second" to avoid saying number two. Football coaches are having a hard time as no player on any team wants to wear a jersey with number two on the back, and selectors testing microphones now say "testing one, three, four, five, forty-eleventeen..." any number except number two! Now tell me, how much dumber can we get?
If some men have their way, children will stop learning two times table in school. Toddlers will soon move from age one straight to age three and every young adult will jump from age 21 to age 23. One doesn't have to be a psychologist to see that these men are sick, stupid, or sick and stupid. I believe this obsessive need to express aversion to any reference to "number two" is just another indication of how unwell we are as a nation. And it is getting beyond the point of ridiculous.
And where does this idea originate? I know that once upon a time it was the polite thing to say "number one" instead of saying urinate and "number two" was used as a euphemism for defecation. And in bingo and lottery, faeces and anus signify number two. But intelligent people know that there is a limit. Not every reference to number two is supposed to relate to toilet things. Words and phrases have different meanings.
Suppose you were a carpenter or a mechanic standing with a screw driver in your hand and you ask your assistant for a screw. If instead of handing you a Phillips or a flat-head screw the person proceeds to undress and lie down, you would be justified in assuming that the assistant has a sexual fixation and is unable to see that screw has other meanings.
So it follows: If whenever you hear the term "number two" you mentally jump past the obvious simple meaning and can only relate it to anus, anal sex and faeces, then you have a really warped mind!
And maybe you should take your sick stupidity to the next level. If you are hell bent on boycotting number two, make sure that nobody changes the diaper if your young baby does that number. And if you get the urge to go to the toilet, ignore it! Burn number two! Who to tell? You just might play three!
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