Tell Me Pastor

I want to be in my father's life

Dear Pastor,

I have a problem that I need your advice on. When I was nine years old, I migrated to Canada to live with my aunt. When I was leaving, I met my father for the first time. He worked at the airport. At the age of 25, I called him out of the blue and introduced myself again. I asked him why he was not a part of my life. I felt that at that time he did not want anything to do with me, so I left him alone.

A couple months ago, my sister from Jamaica called and said she met one of my brothers on my father's side and she gave me the number. I called and we talked a bit. After talking to my brother, I decided to call my father again and he was surprised. He could not understand why I stopped calling from the first time I had called. I travelled to Jamaica to meet him two months ago. He treated me okay, but still hasn't given me a proper explanation for why he couldn't be a part of my life. I have called him a couple of times and he has only called me once which was just last week.

It has been 34 years that I haven't had a father, and it caused me to be in bad relationships because I never had a father figure. I don't hate him. I really want to be a part of his life, but I don't know how to show him. He does not show his feelings, so I don't know how he feels. He has a daughter with his wife. His daughter and I are just a year apart, so I understand why I was kept in the closet. I just want him to be a father to me now. I want him to put aside what has happened and try to build a relationship with me.

Please give me your advice.

S. M., Toronto, Canada

Dear S. M.,

I am glad that you finally discovered your father. It is unfortunate however that he has not shown much interest in getting to know you well. This seems to be affecting you and you have even blamed not having a good father figure as the reason for the mistakes you have made in your own love life. That of course is questionable.

I suggest, that you continue to communicate with your father but that you desist from asking him about his behaviour towards you while you were growing up. Try to build a good relationship with your father, but at the same time, you may keep in mind that, that cannot happen overnight because there was a wide gap from the time you were born to the time you got to know him.

Be thankful that you know him and remember that many people do not know their parents at all.

Pastor

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