Dear Pastor,
I have read your column several times over the Internet and would like you to give me the best advice for a problem that I am facing. I have been living in the United States for sometime now. I am 24 years old and am currently pursuing my electronics and computer engineering degree. This is my third year in college.
The problem that I am facing is this. I just recently got engaged to this guy who lives in the Bahamas. I have known him and have been intimate with him for the past 8 years. I used to live in the Bahamas and that's where I met him.
The problem is we just can't get along. We love each other dearly. I don't know if its the age difference because he is 19 years my senior, which I don't care about. He comes to America every two weeks, either on business or to see the doctor for his feet, he has bone spurs. So I normally get to see him. The last time He was here, we got into an argument. So I sat in the back of the SUV for the remainder three and half hours ride to his sister's house. We never spoke a word to each other. After we reached our destination, I got out and got into my car and left him. After I left, I tried calling him but he would not answer the phone and I made several attempts to call his phone.
He went back to the Bahamas without saying anything to me and I know that he has been back over here but he just hasn't called me for a whole month. I tried calling him in the Bahamas and I even left several messages but he just won't talk to me. Our argument was just over him bossing me around and my not letting him do it, so it was nothing serious. I am not sure if I should move on with my life or not. I am seriously considering this option because he is being very childish. I am a very beautiful and vibrant young lady, so whenever I go anywhere the temptation is there for me to meet any handsome man who is always trying to talk to me.
We are planning a very lavish wedding with 400-500 guests and I have told a lot of people, so it would be very embarrassing to call it off.
I have been asked by a young man whom I have known for some time to marry him and I am seriously thinking about it. I don't have any kids so I don't see why I should stress over my fiancé. I think that he is just rich and spoiled and loves for everyone to jump at his request which I will not do. That was my reason for leaving him behind in the Bahamas and going to school, because I am a very independent young woman.
Please, pastor, I am awaiting your reply.
O.K., Florida, U.S.A.
Dear O.K.,
If you and this man have not been getting along for such a long time and that encourage you to go to school in the U.S., and leave him in the Bahamas, you prepared to marry him? It is that you want to make sure that you get some of his money? Why would you want to marry someone who is always bossing you around and is 'spoiled?' Women who stay with such men have ulterior motives.
Have you considered that this man may be tired of your behaviour too? Perhaps he is saying enough is enough and he has had it with you. How could you consider the argument insignificant, yet you travelled in the back of his SUV for over three hours without speaking to him and left him without saying goodbye? Is this what you call love or having a good relationship with your man?
You seem to feel that because you are pretty, you can do anything. No, you have the wrong idea. If this man and you are not getting along, both of you should agree to get professional help. You should never brag about your beauty because by doing so you are saying that you can get any man you want.
I cannot excuse this man. Perhaps, indeed he is overbearing at times, but he seems to be a man who has his head screwed on (if you know what I mean).
I must ask you to change your attitude and I must tell you that you are not yet ready for marriage.
Pastor
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