DEAR PASTOR,
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We used to be great together but lately things have changed. I think he is cheating, but he claims he's not. I hear messages on his phone and
I don't know what to think. He has female friends and I have male friends. We always said it was all right, but I have heard girls calling him boo, honey, and other stuff. This last girl called three times in 30 minutes, wondering where he was. This is really bothering me because when I first met him, I told him I didn't want a relationship, but he kept on pursuing me. He said not all men are unfaithful and he will prove me wrong.
When I met him, I had completely sworn off men. I was single for three years and loved it. I am a very independent woman so there wasn't anything a man could do for me that I couldn't do for myself, except for sex (of course). During the three years I didn't have a relationship, but I did have one sex partner that was strictly for that purpose only!! This is hitting me real hard because I thought he was different. I never had any relationship with anyone like this before, but now it's the same thing.
MAN OF THE YARD
He cooks for me, cleans for me, runs the bath, takes care of my daughter, and massages me. I work two jobs, so I am barely at home. We don't live together now, but he is supposed to move in with me next month. He is currently living in New York.
It took me a long time to fall in love with him because I was fighting so hard against it. After a while, I realised he was different and he could be the one I spend my future with. He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but lately, I have been having doubts.
I'm thinking of leaving him before it's too late. I don't know for sure if he is cheating, but I feel like I would rather be alone than to go through that crap again. It hurts that bad!! I swore to myself that I would never allow myself to get involved again and now I feel like I have failed myself. Do you think it could be my fear of men? What should I do now? Am I being too hard on myself?
A. J., Illinois, USA
Dear A. J.,
You are no fool. Something is going on with this man and the girl who calls him and leaves certain types of messages on his phone. However, I am not suggesting that you end the relationship with him right away. I believe that both of you love each other therefore you should seek the help of a family counsellor. Both of you should go together for counselling.
Pastor
Now, having said the above, I must warn you that very often women call men and leave teasing messages on their phones. But they are not intimate with these men. Often they are showing interest in the men and they may even do so inviting the men to take them out. Women get very lonely at times and they are always seeking good men.
I understand how you feel about your present relationship. You are on your toes because of past treatment that you have had from other men. Who can blame you? You see danger signs all over, so it would be silly to proceed as a reckless driver. Before you make your final decision, whether to end the relationship or continue, get professional help from a family counsellor.
Pastor
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