Dear Pastor,
I wish to comment on your response to that guy who stated in your column, Monday August 8, 2005 that he only wants sex from women. I am a 40-year-old man. I was born in poverty in a peasant setting, and from early childhood I decided that this was not the life for me. As a matter of fact, that is not the life for anyone. As a result I focused on acquiring a marketable skill and resources to help me attain my life goals. My fundamental belief is that women should be respected and that one should guide others towards achieving an economically sound and prosperous life in accordance with their ability.
During my early adult life I worked in a number of communities throughout Jamaica. I was not interested in intimacy. I was focusing on attaining my goals. At the same time, I tried my best to motivate other women and men towards this end. Because of these traits, people considered me to be strict. My detractors called me names and said I behaved like a homosexual. "Look how many women are around and he doesn't want any."
However, the main reason why I behaved that way was, even though I was from the poorer section of the society, I could not conceive myself relating to a female on an intimate level who did not share high goals and values as I, and who was not highly motivated to achieve such ends. The more success I achieved, the more aggressive my detractors became and females went out of their way for me to get involved with them intimately.
I must say I was not a Christian, and to ensure that I was perceived in a positive light, I was forced to engage sexually with the ladies who were around. However, I ensured that none of them got pregnant for me, because under no circumstances would I marry any of them.
Eventually, I found the lady of my dreams that conforms to the values I outlined above when I went to work in another remote village. She shared the same socio-economic background as I did and has a similar outlook in life, so we eventually got married and have children. We are economically buoyant. Based on the scenario outlined above, I certainly abused all those females, but I was behaving in accordance with the values of society. However, I certainly earned a lot of respect in the communities by conforming to that type of behaviour. I certainly felt guilty.
I am asking for you comment and what should have been the right way to respond in this scenario?
A. S., USA
Dear A. S.,
Nobody can force you to do what you don't want to do regardless where you live. You joined in with the others and used women and made the silly excuse that you were only a part of the society in what you were doing. Like "when you are in Rome, do as the Romans." Say what you want, you cannot deny that you used women and dumped them like all the other guys. In such a case, you were just 'one of the boys'.
Pastor
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