Dear Pastor,
I am an 18-year-old girl who is confused and seeking some advice. I am a regular reader of your column and a regular listener of your talk show. So I am aware of the good advice that you give to people.
People think that when you are young you cannot fall in love, but I fell in love at age 14. The relationship had its ups and downs like any other relationship would, but it was still one with love, laughter and fun.
Not everybody approved, but I didn't care because I loved him. After about two years everything turned sour. Maybe it was because the relationship did not include sex; or so I thought, so I included it. Nothing changed. He was still disrespecting me. Not verbally but by his actions. I talked to him about it and he complied for awhile, then he started again. Eventually, he got another woman pregnant.
It has been two years and a couple of months since the relationship ended. But he is still on my mind and I can't seem to cope. It is like I am going crazy. Because I want to get him out of my mind, everytime someone comes along, I tell myself that I love him, have sex with him, get dumped, then I feel sorry for myself and I cry. I have not told anyone about my problem and it is killing me.
I am an average student who wants to continue my studies, but I can't cope. I am supposed to start teachers' college but it is as if I don't have any interest and I don't want to fail any of my courses.
Please give me your fatherly advice.
D.,
Jamaica
Dear D.,
You believe that you were in love at age 14. You didn't understand why the fellow was not paying you any attention. You thought sex would have kept both of you together, but it didn't. I don't believe that people who are in their early teens understand what love is about.
Even older people have difficulty understanding this thing that is called love. It is for that reason I have constantly told young people to wait and not to engage in sex too early. I believe that young people should go out on dates and have clean fun and learn to socialise with the opposite sex.
I am not surprised that you have been allowing men to toy with your body. You are seeking love and acceptance from the opposite sex. Perhaps you did not experience much love from your father. Very often, girls who become sexually active at a tender age never have a good father figure around the house.
I want to ask you to give men a break and begin to learn to love yourself. You have low self-esteem. That has been destroyed. But you can change that by practising positive thinking. I want you to love yourself and to tell yourself that a man doesn't have to tell you that he loves you or that you are pretty. You are God's child and the first person you need to love is God and then yourself.
I want you to commit your life to God and to persue a good education. Put the past behind you. The things that you have done are in the past. You can't change the past, but you can work towards a bright future. Consider all these guys as dead. Yes, they may be alive, but as far as you are concerned, they are dead. Whenever you think of any of them, remind yourself that they are dead.
Pastor
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