Dear Pastor,
How are you? I am a 28-year-old female living in the United States of America. I have a problem and I was wondering if you could help. I'm in a two-and-a-half-year relationship with a man I care about a lot. It was nice in the beginning, but it got bad.
I lied to him because I was scared that he was going to leave me. I asked for his forgiveness. He lied to me too, but I put that in the past. Now I am living in hell. I live with him and his family members. He treats me like a dog. He doesn't have any respect for me. His friends come first and I come last. He beats me almost every night. When I try to call the cops, he hits me harder. He doesn't help me with anything around the house. He is so nasty. He is a Jamaican man. He wasn't like that in Jamaica, but when he came here, he changed.
FORGIVENESS
I am not a bad person. Yes, I did my wrongs in my life and I asked God for forgiveness, but it seems that God hasn't forgiven me at all. I see other people who don't believe in God, yet they are so blessed. They have every thing that they want and I am living in hell. I cry to God to help me with my problem. I was in a relationship for four years and my ex wanted a child, but I couldn't give one to him, so he went out and got one. My present boyfriend and I want a child and I can't give him one. I asked God to bless me with a healthy child. Right now he is cheating on me because I can't give him a child.
I went through pain and I don't want to go through it again. I went to the doctor and found out that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and I am scared to tell him. He will think the worst of me. I am scared to leave my house just to go for a walk.
I want to go back to school, but when I talked to him about it, he says that I am going to my boyfriend's house. I don't have another man. I am not working. I lost my job so I have to depend on him for everything. He calls me every name in the book. I had a car, but he took it, so, if I have to go anywhere, I have to ask people to take me. Sometimes I just want to be alone and when he asks me for sex, I say no. Whenever I say no, he starts beating and kicking me. Sometimes he forces himself on me and I just have to give up. I try not to get him upset with me because I can't take any more abuse from him.
I WANT TO BE SKINNY
He doesn't like to take me out. I know I am fat, but I try to lose weight. All the other girls that he has are skinny; I can't wear skirts and sexy shirts. I have to dress like a man all the time. I don't want to live like this. I just want to be happy. All the relationships that I have been in are the same thing. All they do is abuse me all the time and treat me like I am nobody. I thought I found the right one, but I was wrong. I'm scared to leave him and I love him. I just want to give him a baby and I know that he will change.
Every day he talks about having a child. He said that all he wanted from me is a child. Please, pastor pray for me. Ask God to come inside of my life and bless me with a child and help me to get a job, so I don't have to depend on him for money. I like to have my own money, so I could pay my own bills. I don't want to lose him. In November 2006, we will be together for three years. It is time for me to give him a child. Furthermore, I am not getting any younger. It is time for me to have one too. Pastor, you have to understand me, I know that God is coming soon. I just want a child and I will give God my life.
I don't want another man because he might do the same thing like all the others; abuse me. Right now my body can't take anymore. My mother said if a man hit me so much, I will have bad blood and I think that I have it already. Thank you for your time.
N.M., St. Andrew, Jamaica
Dear N.M.,
How do you take so much beating from a man? Surely this man doesn't respect you, and you are behaving as if you are totally helpless. Will it not be better for you to take a live-in job instead of staying with a man and depending on him for everything? How could you love a man who abuses you verbally and physically and make excuses for him? Something is radically wrong with you.
You believe that if you were to become pregnant, this man will treat you better. You are wrong, my dear. A child does not cause a man to stay with a woman. Even if a man sticks around for a short period with his baby's mother, he will eventually leave.
You have to come to realise that you are somebody. He is treating you as his floor mat. You may believe that you have to stay with him, but you don't. You may also believe that you cannot do without him, but you can. You will have to have the will to leave. But you have already said that you don't want to leave.
You are concerned about your weight. Go to a medical practitioner and have him put you on a diet and stick with it.
Pastor
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