DEAR PASTOR,
I am a 30-year-old woman and I am in a really ugly relationship with this 41-year-old man. I really don't know what to do. When I was about 19 years old, I met this man and fell in love with him. We started dating until I was about 22 years old. I found out that he was cheating on me and we split up because of this other woman. About a few months after that I found out I was pregnant with his child. I was alone all through my nine months of pregnancy without any help from him.
If it wasn't for my mother I wouldn't know what I would do because I was not working. I had just left school. Their relationship went on for about three years. Then after a while he kept coming back around me and my baby. He asked me to forgive him and he also told me that the relationship was over with the other woman. So, I forgave him and let him in my life for the sake of my own selfish needs and for the sake of my baby.
One day, the woman called my cellphone and started cursing me. I would not stoop that low so instead of arguing with her I hung up the phone. We are not living together, so I waited until he came to visit and I told him about it. He would normally get upset about it and sometimes call her and argue with her about it. So there and then I would really believe that the relationship was over, but this time he didn't.
I started having problems with family planning pills. I was taken off them and was put on condoms. One night one of them broke. I got pregnant with my second child. I have two children for this man and what I can't seem to do is to get him to stop lying to me. After having my second child, I have vaginal infections. This is really smelly if not treated right away. So one day I went to the clinic because it was very close to me and got treatment for it. On my way out, the doctor recommended that I make an appointment for my boyfriend to see him too, which I did. He wanted to see if my boyfriend was the one giving it to me or maybe it was something else wrong with me. I went home and gave him a call and told him I wanted to speak to him by the end of the day. He came and I sat him down and talked to him and he said it was okay. He would go to the doctor.
On the morning of the appointment I rang his phone again and told him to remember the appointment. He asked me what time and I told him 8:30 a.m. and he said okay. I got dressed and went to the clinic. I was there for about one hour, then I left because I had to get to work and it was getting late. Later that day, I saw him while he was on his way from work and I asked him about it. He said to me that he went there but the place was too packed with people and he had to get back to work, so he left. But little did he know that I was there waiting for him to come. I asked him what time was that and he said eleven o'clock. I knew now he was downright lying. If you had an 8:30 appointment would you go at 11 o'clock?
I am still hurting by this and I don't know what to do. I am confused. He still keeps coming around pretending that nothing has happened. I guess because he has got used to me just sweeping everything under the carpet and going on, but this time I really don't know what to do.
Please, pastor, I am awaiting your response. I am really going off my head. Sometimes I feel like giving the children to him and running away. I really made a bad situation worste for myself.
C.J., St. Elizabeth, Jamaica
Dear C.J.,
It goes without say that this man is really irresponsible. I can't blame you for believing him when he asked you for forgiveness after you had the first child. He behaved as a snake. He was lying all the way and he is still lying. You should leave this man. If you don't he will be a thorn in your flesh. You have to leave him.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You will overcome the difficulties you now face. Don't accept his lies anymore. Move on with your life. Don't give away your children and any day he refuses to support them, take him to court. I need not tell you that you will have to follow the advice of your doctor.
Pastor
DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU?
WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR. AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. FOR PERSONAL REPLIES PLEASE INCLUDE A STAMPED, SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE. TELEPHONE: 929 - 1667/8
Do
you have a problem? Is something bothering
you? Write to 
