DEAR PASTOR,
I have been reading your column for years. I am asking for your fatherly advice. I am 18 years old. When I was 16, I fell in love. I don't know how, but I did. I guess it's because I wanted to give away my heart. My relatives, especially my mom was against it because he was from the same area and I was in school. We are still together up to this day. Although if my family knew, I would lose them because of circumstances; so, we still have to hide to be together.
Anyway, I moved and went to the opposite side of the island. When things went bad with me and my boyfriend, he started to accuse me of cheating. I wasn't cheating at that time until I met this guy where I live. I fell in love. I love him so much. It is different from what I felt for my boyfriend, but I still can't let go my first boyfriend. The new guy and I started to see each other from last September. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no. A friend of his who is also a friend of mine, warned me about him, but I was already involved. I found out he has a girlfriend.
NEED ATTENTION
The girl's cousin who is my friend saw us together and asked me if we are together and I told her yes. At the time I didn't know her cousin was his girl. So, I investigated and asked him and he admitted it. I told him I could not go on with him because when my boyfriend wants my time, he gets it from me. He says he and the girl had problems and he wants me. I told him to work it out with her. He still wants me. I hid from him and didn't answer my phone. He saw me one day and we talked and got back together.
One day he told me to come and visit him. We were there kissing until he started to undress me. I told him no, but he still went ahead and had sex with me. I tried to stop him, but I couldn't. He used a condom but I felt uncomfortable. He took it off and 'cum' inside me. He told me to sit up and let it run out, so I did. I didn't get pregnant.
My original boyfriend and I weren't talking at the time. When we got back together, I couldn't keep it from him. I told him I had something to tell him and he asked me if it had anything to do with me playing with someone else. When I told him yes, he was so upset. He asked me if the guy and I were still together and I told him no. He asked what led us to have sex. I had to put a few lies in to save my butt. I said I told him no sex and he went ahead anyway. My boyfriend doesn't believe me up to this day. Every time we argue and I don't want to have sex with him, he says I am saving it for my next man.
The week after this guy and I had sex, I followed my girlfriend to his house. When I reached his gate his nephew was acting very strange. I asked him where my boyfriend was and he said he was sleeping. When I entered the house, he said he's not there. So my friend and I went to his room door and knocked. Only to hear a girl say "don't open it." She came out and I asked her for him. She said he was sleeping. I was so mad, my friend drew me away because she was about to get a fine beating. We left. I was calling his phone and couldn't get him so I sent some nasty text messages until in the evening he called me. I asked him what's up, and if that's the girl and he said yes. I told him I couldn't deal with him. But as time went by I learned to accept it because she heard a lot about me from her cousin. He told her we are together. She cursed, but she accepted it. We had sex after that but I couldn't tell my boyfriend that we have been having sex. If I had told him we were having sex the relationship between us would be over. This new guy and I still have a strong relationship. I love him so much. I want to let him go, but we live near and we see each other regularly and he calls me.
I wish I never fell in love with him because my boyfriend loves me dearly. My boyfriend watches my every move. Most of all when he's around me, he watches my phone. I know he loves me, but he doesn't trust me. I need your fatherly advice.
C., Kingston, Jamaica
Dear C.,
Please listen to me. You are heading for trouble. Your boyfriend does not trust you anymore. He believes that what you did has given him licence to be intimate with another woman. In plain Jamaican it is "bun for bun". The new guy took advantage of you, but now you have become so involved with him that you find it difficult to let him go.
You are much too young to have man problems. You can't handle it. If you were willing to be guided by your parents you would not have found yourself in this love triangle. Believe me, darling, you will have to drop both of these men. They are using you. Give men a break until you are older. Don't get into any fight over any of them. If you are going to school, concentrate on your lesson. Men are not running away.
Pastor
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