JACKASS SEY DI worl' no level. Jackass sey nuff people mus sey Zidane los' 'im 'ead inna de Worl' Cup finals but Jackass sey de man 'ead good.
Jackass is not a football fan and certainly does not join in this thing where people who have never been further from their homes than Lime Cay (or Harbour View round-a-bout, for that matter) are claiming that Brazil or England or Argentina is 'my team'.
But, of course, the finals are huge and in between cutting up the vegetable and putting the corn in the rice for Sunday dinner Jackass took a prips while some other folk were watching. And, like everybody else, saw Zidane's header into the Italian guy's chest.
It was a hell of a header (that sounds a way, but 'head butt' sounds worse, so work with it) too, because that man, a big guy, pitched over backwards like a man fielding at silly point who has been slapped by a cricket ball going at very high speed.
It was an incredible moment in sporting history, a bit similar to when Mike Tyson decided to make a meal of Holyfield's ear, because it was just totally unexpected and very vicious. Well, at least we had many a warning sign of instability in Tyson, but Zidane always appeared to be so in control, to be calm, to be above whacking a person on the field of play.
And it was supposed to be his moment, his last competitive match ever, leading an unlikely set of footballers into the title game after coming out of retirement, scoring that most cheeky of penalties to give France the lead, flashing a header that almost gave them a surefire winner in extra time.
Until that header right into the chest.
Some members of the press are sure to put Zidane to the sword, to question his very sanity and ask if his head is gone, if he has joined the 'mad, sick, head no good posse'. But Jackass is as sure that Zidane's head is all there, just as much as he is sure that the world is not level.
That Italian player was just touchy feely with the man. The Italians have a reputation of being very tough players, dishing out rough and tumble treatment with glee, and just before the infamous header this man was pawing Zidane without them even being close to the action on the field. And who knows what he had been saying and doing before?
Plus, Zidane has this reputation of being a cool customer, a good guy, never getting overly excited (look at his reaction after he scored the penalty) or upset. The man is human, you know. Very human. And he has a very big, very firm, very tough and very good head.
So low de man.
Jackass can only imagine what this Italian guy was thinking when he was in mid-air, his heart feeling like it had been pushed against his chest. Y'know, looking back, it was very funny.
Jackass sey di worl' no level. Jackass sey Zidane gi wi a las' farewell deh whe we cyaan feget.
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