What is gross and stomach churning to some people is delightful delicacy to others. I still can't see what people find in a crab to eat for example. But then, I have often been accused of being picky, boring and unadventurous when it comes to food. I also have a serious shell-food allergy. Although one young miss I had a date with years ago was convinced that I was just making cheap excuse for not treating her to haute cuisine. She wanted to have curried lobster and garlic shrimp on my patty and coco-bread budget. I had to politely ask that young miss and her expensive 'wanga-gut' to tek weh demself!

Keep it simple

But I'm really kind of simple in my approach to food. I can't eat foods which are cooked with cheese of any sort, for example. To use a Tony Hendriks term, I am lactose intolerant/lactose imper-tinent. Intolerant because milk products cause me serious upset stomach; and impertinent because if I force and consume some milk-based products, they usually cause serious flatulence! I also routinely avoid stuff that you have to pronounce with a foreign accent. I am a simple 'rice-with-meat or food (dumpling, yam and banana) with meat' kind of a guy.

And I am not big on snacking. No chips or cookies or biscuits or nachos for me. I don't want salads or sandwiches or fries either. When I want food, I want cooked food, something with meat and/or heat. When I was in primary school, we had cooked meals for lunch that the children called "bolo slush". The slush came in two varieties. One was a brown-looking stew with red peas, and the other was a yellow-looking gooey stew that we called "baby d..d..", for obvious reason. It was usually served with white rice or some large dumplings made of some kind of wheat flour. Many children frowned upon the food and those who had it were usually teased. It never bothered me though. I used to look forward to my cooked meal.

Reverse treat

I have met people in Zimbabwe who eat steamed pumpkin leaves, and use callaloo to feed donkeys. Of course, we do the opposite. I have friends from foreign who are grossed out by some of the things Jamaicans eat. One such thing that readily springs to mind is that famous potage made from bovine penis, popularly called 'cow cod soup'. We also eat oddities like turkey neck, pig trotters, cow skin, chicken foot, goat head, goat tripe and ram-goat liver. And some people still can't understand those of us who love to devour the head of a fish. But check it: people in some parts of the world eat dogs, cats, caterpillars, worms, roaches and many other creatures that we may consider gastronomically repulsive. And nice, stoosh, rich people eat snails, fish eggs and frog legs. Yuck!

I have a relative who once had this grand plan to catch Jamaican john-crows and sell them to unsuspecting people in North America as Thanksgiving turkeys. Of course, I dismissed it as a ridiculously-stupid idea. But then, I have not seen any crows for a long time now. Mmm! I wonder!

Time to eat my words? box-mi-back@hotmail.com.