Dear Pastor,

I am a U.S. citizen and have been married for almost three years to a Jamaican man. At the beginning of our relationship we were getting married so he could get his papers. He constantly told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me for reasons other than a green card. However, I believed he was telling the mother of his daughter who lives in Jamaica that he wanted to be with her as well, and that he was just using me to get his papers.

We have a one-year-old son together and I don't know what I should do. Should I just leave him alone and let him and his child's mother fend for themselves, or should I go along with our relationship and wait to see what happens? I wanted to talk to her, but he, who often lies, doesn't feel I should. What is he hiding?

T. B., Boston, USA

Dear T. B.,

It is well known that some people marry citizens of other countries in an effort to gain permanent status. I have no proof that that is what your husband did, but I would not be surprised if it proved to be true.

He may be telling you a story and telling his child's mother another. But unless you have proof that he has tricked you and intends to divorce you, you should not be concerned about your future with him.

On the other hand, when a woman is not sure about her man, she should live in such a way that if he walks out on her, she would be in a position to support herself and live comfortably. Let me try to explain what I mean. Any woman who is not sure about her man should not have a joint account with him.

Pastor

PasoShe should save as much as she can in her own account.

She should not pay all the bills on her own. She should not have joint ownership of a motor vehicle. She should not have his name on her credit cards, etc.. because he is a bad egg. She would be in a deep hole when they are separated or divorced.

You don't have to say a word to your husband child's mother. You should simply protect your son's interest and your interest. Time will tell whether he is planning to divorce you and marry her. Make sure you are not left in the cold. If you love your husband and you know that he loves you, be a good wife to him. However, if you are sure that he is trying to outsmart you, so to speak, be on your guard.

Pastor