Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and I am in a relationship with a gentleman who is in his late 30s. I love him very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. The problem that may not allow this to happen is the distance between us and, I assume, my child. I am writing to you for advice as this relationship is something I really want to work. I have a daughter who is two and a half years old and I am unable to leave her with my parents to be with this man, but each time I see him, I know I can't leave her to be with him. He pretends as if he understands, but still poses the question of me coming to live with him.

Pastor, my priorities are not straight, meaning I have no qualifications to look a job so I would have to depend on him all the way. I mentioned going back to school, which he agrees with, but side-steps me when I get deep in the discussion. I assume that he doesn't want to send me to school because we are not living together, although I could be wrong. That's my assumption because he has not given me a reason.

I love this man. It is no infatuation, but I don't know what to do or what decision to make. I do know that I don't want to be living with my parents for the rest of my life. Should I leave my daughter and be with him so that I can get myself sorted out? It is not that I love him more than my child, but my parents do not have it to give me, yet they don't want me to go out and fend for myself. I am ambitious and I want all the good things in life for myself. It's just that I wasted my time in high school and I am now willing to give myself a second chance for my sake and my daughter's. I don't know how to go about it as I don't want to lose this man and I am afraid that if I stay away from him, he might just be taken by someone else.

Please help me. I am confused.

S.L., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear S. L.,

You did not mention where this man lives, whether he is in rural Jamaica or abroad. One thing I know for sure is that you'd be making a big mistake by leaving your daughter with your parents and going to live with him, regardless of where he is living. I have a feeling that he is living here in Jamaica from the tone of your letter. I don't believe that this man is as good as you think he is. If he really wants to help you financially, he would. He is not thinking about your education. He wants a woman to live with him to cook his meals, clean his house, wash his clothes, etc., and you are naive to believe that if you don't go and live with him you would lose him.

If this man really loves you, why won't he marry you? Why do you have to go and live in concubinage with him? And by the way, you are not the only young girl who has a child and lives at her parents' home. There are many girls like you who do not have good education but are ambitious and willing to work and send themselves to school. Learn to help yourself. This man simply wants to use you. Get smart and stay at home.

Pastor