Dear Pastor,

I'm 16 years old and my boyfriend is 23. I know that there is a big age gap but it doesn't really bother me. My parents accept him. He cares about me a lot but sometimes my mom keep telling me that I'm not ready for a boyfriend or a commitment. However, I feel like I have found the right person for me. We have been together for 4 years and we are really happy.

Sometimes though, I get really confused because he is in Jamaica and I'm aboard. I really trust him and he means everything to me, but sometimes I wonder if he is really being faithful to me. I've been here for almost three years and I have only gone back to Jamaica once and we had a good time together. We haven't had sex yet, which is a decision that both of us made. He promised me that he would wait until I reached a legal age and that is why sometimes I wonder if he is being faithful.

My mom, and other people like my friends at school told me that a guy his age needs to have sex but I don't know. I'm so confused. Just to let you know, I am doing very well in school and that is one of the reasons why my parents don't stop me from talking to him. We talk on the phone very often. He calls and I call him as well.

I just need some advice from you. You are doing a great job and I listen to your programme on the Internet at nights. Thank you for you help in advance.

J. M., Florida, U.S.A.

Dear J. M.,

Thank you for your letter. You are a good girl. I am sure that your parents are very proud of you. I know you feel great affection for this young man. You speak highly of him. Perhaps he thinks highly of you too.

Your parents want the best for you. They have been trying to give you guidance. I am sure that you trust their judgement. But the feeling that you have for this young man is very strong. You know that he is much older than you. He is an adult and you have two more years before you can be called an adult. Those who talk to you about him mean well. They are concerned about you and they love you.

I want to beg you to listen to your mother. I am not here to judge your boyfriend who is in Jamaica but I believe that in years to come you are going to hear that he had other girls in Jamaica and you are going to feel devastated. If you were to ask him whether he has other girlfriends, it is likely that he is going to say no. So, what I am trying to tell you is that if you are going to continue to have him as your boyfriend, you should be prepared at anytime to hear that you are not the only one in his life.

You believe that you have found the perfect man for you. Remember, however, that you are much too young to come to that conclusion. Discuss with your parents whether it is right for you to go out with other young men in your age group.

Pastor