Dear Pastor

I have been reading your column since I was in Jamaica. I have been living in the Cayman Islands for the past two and a half years now. Ever since I got here I have tried to help my mother who lives in Jamaica. In December 2004, I visited Jamaica. My mother and my sister said they needed me to help them buy a car to operate a taxi down there and I did. I put the car in my sister's name and my name.

Did everything

I did everything that I could to ensure that the car is running on the road. I visited at the end of December, and about four months later I asked her what was going on with the car. She said everything was okay. I tried to call them at times and I could not get anyone.

I got married in September of 2005. About December that year, my sister called me and I asked her if everything was okay and she told me that she sold the car. I did not tell her to sell the car. I also asked her about my money from the car and she told me that her child's father needed some money and she loaned it to him. I felt like someone took out my heart. I worked so hard for that money and my family just gave it all away.

No show of care

Since this year, I visited Jamaica again and here I am giving them money just to take the shame out of their face so people won't have to take advantage of them. But they let me feel like I'm not doing anything for them.

My mother and my sister don't seem to care about what happens to me. All they want is my money and what they can get from me. I am very hurt and confused. I don't know why my own family does something like this to me. I have forgiven them and I still decide to help them. When I was in Jamaica, I never felt comfortable in the house that they were living, so I told them to find a place and I will pay the rent. They found a place and I started paying their rent. But, when I look at it, I realise that my sister and my mother are not trying to do anything for themselves. My sister is 20 and has a child and she doesn't want to go and look for work.

I'm struggling to make ends meet and the only time they call me is when they need money or when the rent is due. I sometimes ignore their calls because I can't help those who won't help themselves. Now, they have decided that they are going to call my husband and tell him to tell me that the rent needs to be paid.

My sister and I came to an agreement that I will pay March and April rent and then they will have to find the rent for the rest of the year and she said okay. So, I don't understand why they are calling me and calling my husband.

What should I do? I need your fatherly advice. Thank you.

M.R., George Town, Grand Cayman

Dear M.R.,

You made fundamental mistakes. First, you should not have bought a car for your relatives to use as a taxi. That was a very bad decision. Yes, I know you meant well, but that was a mistake. Second, when the taxi was sold, you should have demanded your money. Something had to go wrong because you did not sign a transfer when the car was sold.

Pastor

You gave no such permission. You should not have allowed your relatives to get away with what they did. Third, you should not have agreed to pay all the rent for your mother and sister from the very beginning.

I know that you did so out of love, but they do not appreciate the sacrifices that you have made. It is time for them to learn to sit ion their own bottom.